Monday, November 14

11.14.1


Tulog na, mahal ko

hayaan na muna natin ang mundo'ng ito..

'lika na, tulog na tayo.

Tulog na, mahal ko

wag ka'ng lumuha, malambot ang iyong kama..

saka na mamroblema...


Tulog na..

hayaan na muna natin sila..

mamaya, di ka na nila kaya pa'ng saktan..

kung matulog, matulog ka na.


Tulog na, mahal ko

nandito lang ako bahala sa iyo..

sige na, tulog na muna..

Tulog na, mahal ko

at baka bukas ngingiti ka sa wakas,

at sabay natin haharapin ang mundo..


Tulog na..

Hayaan na muna natin sila..

mamaya, di ka nila kaya pa'ng saktan..

kung matulog, matulog ka na..


Tulog ka na.. -Tulog Na


...


I realized that for those three meesly days, i was never so sad in my life.



















i wanted to stop the writhing pain, burning, gnawing, crumbling, simmering concoction of despair once again..all over again..


i wished so hard for the fire to come..to burn me..to finish burning me, and reduce me to ashes at last.


...


i felt myself sinking..getting stuffed back in that God-forsaken place between hell and purgatory..


the goodness in me remained..still wished then all the happiness that they deserved..


but at some point..even that got consumed by the pain too.



















i raised my devoured arms and pressed the ants to my chest. i hate and love and hate slow deaths.


...


my salvation? ray of hope? drop of cooling water?













God's lips in the bottom of my soul, and Rain's kisses all over me.


I leave what's left of me in Your hands. Do what You will, just let them be happy.


maybe i should go for the window anyway. what's there to fight for, right?


i was that easy to forget, God..six times in a row. yeah, beat that.


...


a lot of times, i thought that i dont belong here..


in this world, in this life..in this reality..


but no. no booze or cigs or knives or jerking off for me.












i'll prove to the world that i do love you.


...








...


and then..


the love.















..sabi na'ng di kita iiwan...


i'll be waiting for that kiss too.*smiles gently*


...

# posted by Celine at 14.11.05

Friday, November 11

and what you didn't know?


























that shot i took..i made a toast for your happiness.

# posted by Celine at 11.11.05

Wednesday, November 9

11.9.3


Sige lang..
Sandal ka na, at huwag na'ng pigilan-
Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit,
Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa akin.. ->Sandalan


...


Back to school again..


funny how breaks seem to never end when you're in the middle of it, and end too soon when its over.


Right now feels like more of the latter. sheesh.


...


First day in, and i can already feel the stress pressing us on all sides..econ reports, homework, new lessons, algeb crap, lesMis readings..and that little thing we'd all wish we could forget: IP.


I feel like crawling back to sembreak right now..


Specifically..last friday..


Well, i'd gladly relive last friday over and over again if i could, savoring every single moment, not matter how seemingly bitter some were..




















My fingers were itching to pluck those steel strings..and when i did, you were there holding me close, resting your head on my shoulder..


I put the guitar down, and wrapped my arms around the one which i have longed to hold all my life:


You.


...


even if the moments made us choke back tears, i was thankful..


and happy..that i got to share every part of me with you. even the girly crying part. and your wacky insane part. and the i-dont-care-about-anyone-around-us-as-long-as-i'm-with-you part.


i really can't help but smile..


[even if econ's making me twitch to the nth extent..]


you make me so happy.. and i want to do the same to you.. [kaya hindi talaga kita iiwan..]





















takte, ang lambot mo talaga!


love you po! rar rar!

# posted by Celine at 9.11.05

Wednesday, November 2

11.3.4
"..sana gumaling ka na agad, para di ka na masaktan.." -Andy


...


a couple of nights ago, i dreamt that i was sitting under a giant sunflower. after a while, it started wilting and maggots were eating it.




















"ayoko na yakapin o hawakan mo mga kaibigan mo!"



















i guess i still got it, huh?


i always have a way with dreams.


...


im scared. damn friggin afraid. terrified.


no, love, you're not the only one. sabay tayo.


if God takes this one away, i will lose everything. and..i just wont be able to take it...


hence, the fear.


but damn it all, i will do everything in my power to keep this. to fucking HELL with Fate! ayoko na! di na ako papayag na pagtulak-tulakin nya ako! lalaban ako para dito..para sa kanya..mark me, i will not let this go. ever.


...


i understand if you feel scared too..and sad..


yes, looking back down to rock bottom when you're grazing the skies is the biggest scare, even for angels..


but y'know..i just set my gaze on your hands tightly holding mine..


"no, not even the horrifying vertigo will make me let go of you.."


we're still holding on to each other. for me, that's the most important thing..we wont fall as long as we're together still, flying with our solitary wings..














































*whispers* di kita iiwan.

# posted by Celine at 2.11.05

Tuesday, November 1

11.1.2


...


i'll write about you with as few words as possible.


..just like our chat on the phone.


here it goes. watch out, you might miss it.






















i hate you.


i hate you because no matter what i do, say, or think, you'll never come back..but you'll always be right there, a little more than an arm's length from me, to remind me that you still exist.


remind me of what i want to have but can never have.











..i hate you because i'm not allowed to hate you.

# posted by Celine at 1.11.05