Wednesday, September 7
Sept. 7 Wed.
“The stars shone,
the earth was fragrant..
as I die in despair.” –E Lucevan le Stelle
...
The morning was still, like a whispered prayer lost in the darkness of memory and old age.
Halfway, I wanted to stop the mindless ode to a God that always scraped my palms clean.
..i did.
...
His hands were cool against my skin, burying painfully deep into tender twisted muscles, as he strained for stars to explode behind his eyes.
The poisoned words dripped and slithered, like his hair that fell over his face in the frantic almost-violence of his ministrations..
..I hardly cared anymore..go on, I murmured with my placid compliance and silence, sweet silence that frustrated him to the end of his wits.
The table creaked.
The nails dug in deep and red.
Blood was staining the ivory flesh of his lower lip and chin, refusing to shudder and shake and scream before I did.
..so sorry, Fate.
There was a tiny pinlight of star that shone above, as my world rocked three-sixty.
It wasn’t your silver-crowned Adonis-meets-Narcissus face I saw above me. Not anymore.
My eyes then glazed over, and I murmured that blessed name in the dark, right before I gently tipped over into oblivion.
...
It took a while before I realized that they were snipping off a year’s worth.
A year’s worth.
Or maybe..
..just 7 months’ worth.
They fell to the ground in slow, silent, graceful anguish..as if they knew just how much pain and hurt and fear and life they held.
Blood stained the glimmering floor, strewn in elegant ebony strings and strands.
They pitied the blood, not the bleeding creature of God who shed them.
And yet, with the new semi-mutilated girl they beheld, the blood lay forgotten; stepped on, and swept away.
They said I was pretty, bleeding like that. Prettier still, when I finally stopped breathing.
Even in death, the pain remained.
The unbearable ache of emptiness.
..I’ll never be the same again.
...
Bitter kisses – topped with foam, and encased in tin.
The yellowish sneer of it was almost pleasing to the eye.
I could smell that tang and tingle galaxies away..like the sound of a rippling stream to a man dying of thirst.
One second, I turned, and the next..
The kisses were already kissed.
I searched the bottom of the ocean in hope that I could scrape some scraps..but I saw the trench that was like an engagement ring.
Taken, it said. Taken but still visible to tease and tantalize and show you just what you cant have.
...
...
I don’t want better.
I don’t want best.
I only want you.
..i hope one day, you’ll be able to see that part of you that I love and die for.
Maybe I’m a little addicted
Maybe I just cant get out of this
Maybe it is just too soon to say..
I’ve seen you blow right past my window
You flew away and I was left inside
Without a clue..
But if you think that I am too stoned to write,
Don’t think twice..
Free your mind
Don’t let me down
We’ll find a way to make it go away..
I went ahead without direction
A form of semi-self mutilation
Dragonfly collides with truth..
Cant you see me like I see you?
Cant you feel me like I feel you?
Cant you be with me tonight?
I’ll make it go away..
[my dragonfly..]
..kasi soulmate, ANG GANDA. Sobrang ganda.