Saturday, October 29
10.29.6
...
no words for that span of time we were together..
well, maybe one.
heaven..
..hindi pa rin eh. kulang..
Thursday, October 20
10.20.4
...
i remember that day when you sat beside me and simply said:
"celine..i want you to stop talking to him."
i remember how scared i was, shaking and sweating and almost crying..silenced by fear and anxiety...
both at the thought of my love being torn from me yet again by you, discarded marionnette of Fate..
and the thought of you rummaging through my files and messages, having no respect for my privacy.
fuck. yknow? fuck. fuck-damn.
you, and the rest of humanity just like you.
...
i actually had the guts and heart enough to say: "mahal ko siya..mahal ko talaga.."
did you notice? did you even admire me for that? after all the years hating me for being cold, dark, brooding, melancholic, stoic, practically dead..and you didnt notice that i was actually alive? that my heart was beating and loving someone?!
fuckin blind! the lot of you!
you sicken me..almost as much as that giant zirconia of a mother sickens me..
do you remember what you said, what you spat at me?
"ano, magpakasal na lang kayo! sige, layas! magpakasal ka na dun, kung mahal mo! ano? ha? sige!"if there was justice, she would be racking with sobs beside me..
do you have any idea what i wanted to say?
if i hadn't gone through the fucked up traumatic self-degrading childhood i did which was, by the way, also paved by you, i would have thrown up all over your front and sprout fangs, wings, mandibles, antennae, pincers, claws, and extra eyes, and screamed at you with multiple voices:
"Y'know what? siguro nga lalayas ako at papakasalan sha..if that means leaving this pathetic excuse for a fuckin family, and spending the rest of my life with the one i love with all my heart and soul...heck, that sounds like the best fucking news i've ever heard!!!"
...
...
look, alam ko'ng mahal mo ako at concerned ka lang sa'kin..
pero alamin mo naman na masaya na ako sa buhay ko...alam ko ang ginagawa ko..
this time its different..i've been taught to love myself now..and stand up to the likes of you..
you monsters of my shadowed past..
marami na'ng nagmamahal sa'kin ngayon..
so if you sneak another peek at my messages, ask another question about who i'm chatting with..
i swear..
i will say those blessed words that have fermented in my gut.
...
pwede ba hayaan nyo ako'ng maging masaya?!
kahit isang beses lang!
so that for once..i can actually consider you true family...
Sunday, October 9
10/9/7
Well, back from the undead..with a new skin, yay..
Of course, its dark..i like negatives..
*grin* but how I feel now is far from dark..
its just that I couldn’t find a skin heavenly enough without being too fluffy..
...
so recap..
lotsa fights, then a new life..
I love this new life, and I love my plushie. So back off, twits..
Birthday girl! Finally got accepted in the 17 club with Giselle, hahaha! Feels weird..we celebrated with cheap food, and physics reviewers..but still fun and touching..yay. :p
I’m getting way too harassed in school..lots of things turned up, including a certain teacher-student tension, teacher-faculty prejudice, and HS batch-HS batch newspaper foulplay.
Stupid, ne? Getting foul over pieces of dirty paper..
Er..if you don’t get it, picture this.
Every yearlevel is competing for the jailbooth for the fair. How? Newspaper drive. Of course, they all want to have the liberty of catching guys with hoola hoops [me: “ang jologs nyo! Dapat girls!], thus the foul play.
Some stole, some bought, some threw nasty remarks, most cried.
Er..sorry, but hey. Its damn shallow. Get over it..
...
Im preparing for the incoming avalanche of tests and work..[yeah, they come hand in hand nowadays]
Leaves me kinda dead and practically dragging myself back home..
Home.
In a few days, and in a month’s time again, I’ll be meeting home.
Cant wait..
Ate lalaine’s debut coming up, I CAN wait to wear andy’s oh so pink cocktail dress.. :p
Guess that’s it for now..*yawn* gotta scrape some background on FF7 before I watch the movie..
Sephiroth look good.