Saturday, May 28
May 28 Sat.
“25 items in 10 minutes?! Aba, laser na ang katapat nito!” –Aaron
...
I’ve been attending Expert Guides entrance exams review classes 8-12noon 6 days a week since May 2, and today was the last day.
A whole month of classes just can’t be squeezed into a single entry. But ima try. Heck, it was just a buch of laughs, scribbles, and gulps of C2.
The class was mainly composed of Paulinians, AA’s, and Ateneans. The only Assumptionistas were me and my berks who took the role of teachers’ pets, and the Paulinians and Ateneans joined forces at the back as the pet peeves. We would have a lecture, then a 15min break at 10:15, then have a test before lunch. We’d scramble out the door and down the steep uneven steps, and eat lunch at katips. Well, except me. I drive by my lola’s where I’m forced to eat chowking food forever.
...
Made some friends, and a handful of enemies.
Aaron was okay, although a tad too egotistic for my taste. He was buds with Anne and the berks a year before, but got on a bad..er..thingy with them. But I don’t know shit about it, and they wont tell me. So I don’t mind hanging out with him and listening to his confused heart. He always talks about how he wants to make his upper body all buff and bigger, about boxing and wrestling and basketball and missing the girl he used to talk to in his dreams.
Adrian was Aaron’s cousin, and he was nice. Hardly talked, but nice. He always had his nose in a classic book, and got the highest grades in the math subjects. We even got tied at perfect scores in the geometry test once, and both blushing at the teacher’s comment that we were “meant to be”. And..there’s this issue about his er..gender. Don’t mind though, I figured it out the moment he half-strutted through the door wearing a Coco Chanel necklace.
Burger was the life of the party. That’s what I called her. The others called her spongebob, coz she had this spongebob coleman she always brought with her, but I think its coz she always has this cute smile on her face, and makes jokes all the time. She’s the friendliest of the bunch, and can make anyone laugh. I don’t hold anything against it, and I honestly think I envy her for having that aura and face and smile. I think everybody else does too.
Lester Tandoc was special. He sat at the edge of the first row, and became my seatmate for sometime. I called him seatmate. My berks called him LT [coz there’s another Lester in class]. Turns out to be the younger brother of a former AA student Leslie Tandoc, and that sparked my berks’ interest. We got along real well..super. He was mostly quiet, but when he was pissed, he would suddenly shout remarks that made us jump and laugh. We’d have fun teasing him about his girlfriend Joy, and maika would make him double over with her antics. Real person, this one. And we all loved him.
Miguel was the loudest of the Ateneans. And that wasn’t a good thing. He had the worst lisp I ever beheld, and I wasn’t supposed to mind. C’mon, its just a lisp. But my berks found it hilarious. They called him daffy duck, and Maika swore that when he talked, she’d hear nothing but “blah blah br-ribbit..ribbit.. quack..quack..” I knew it was wrong to make fun of him, and I admit I was bad. I mean, I hardly knew the guy. If I had another chance, I’d apologize for laughing, and make him my friend. But word got out, and he never tried to talk to us ever again.
Humbert was the one who came in earliest. No matter how early I’d arrive, he’d already be there sleeping on his desk. He always seemed tired and bored, but never ran out of jokes to share. He was a pretty nice person, but its damn hard to break through that loud barkada of his that surrounds him all the time. Oh well.. The bits of time we spend chatting, him and my berks in the morning are nice. Exchange of chocolates and candies and yawns.
The girls from St.Scho who sat behind us were kind and warm and friendly. It was rare that we got to talk to them as much as they talked to each other, but every chance was real and light and not plastikan. There’s this girl named Billy who didn’t have any friends at all in that class. She sad secluded in the other half of the room, and never talked to anyone. We all felt sorry for her, and tried to be friends, but to no avail. But hey, I bet she has friends naman eh. Wanted to be one, though.
...
Lots of laughs, jokes, sitting on the floor [only Assumptionistas do!], eating cloud9 and passing around packs of chichirya, drinking from everyone else’s bottles of C2, wearing jackets on the front, rolling up the sleeves, and saying “vrrooom..vroom!! ‘san baba nyo?” as Assumption toda, growling about the heat, and swaying with the oscilating aircon.
Exchanging jackets and screaming in fake agony [as a lasallite wears an ateneo jacket, and vice versa], wearing the same article of clothing as your other friends for the day, having a crush on the strict geom teacher and finding out he already has a family and never seeing him again after that subject [*cough* ANNE! *cough* SIR RAI! *cough*], trembling with fear at the strictness of a perfectionist substitute teacher and finding out he’s can be the most hilarious guy if the occasion calls for it [*cough* sir joe! *cough*], and having a crush on a sexy chem. teacher before finding out how strict she is and that she was a runner up for the binibining Pilipinas [*twitch* me]..
Its scribbling equation after equation on a piece of pad paper, and eventually not really caring about those fuckin fucktorials, and just sketching away, coming up with a fairy of the conic sections..
[sabaw na talaga utak ko nung ginawa ko to..]
...
And here’s the bunch..in all its weirdness.
I’ll never forget this experience. Its kinda like one of those close encounters with the freaky kind.
Thursday, May 26
May 26 Thurs.
“Go ahead..choose your poison.” –me
...
It’s funny how 4 words can turn a nice conversation into a series of doubt-filled days.
I chatted with that tall lanky guy who acted and talked like he was a son of heaven, and actually enjoyed his tactics of playing around. Payback time, ne? I can play good too.
Gameplan?
Our very own sadistic fantasies.
He never go to share his, coz that bitch of a pc of his screwed. Damn.
They should know better than to leave a sadomaso hanging. He owed me!
...
An innocent status turned a nice afternoon into a bad one haunted with the ghosts from the past.
I didn’t mean to..
I’m sorry.
But hey, I understand. I’ll try not to do that again.
C’mon, rest assured you guys..kahit anong kina-gwapo, yaman, astig, or whatever ng kung sinong lalakeng lumapit sakin, sorry. I’m already happily in love with a beautiful heart.
Sa tingin mo ba hahayaan ko’ng makuha ako ng iba?
..nothing’s worse than a plushie threatened..
Sunday, May 15
May 15 Sun.
“I’ve got to be honest –
I think you know..
We’re covered in lies, and that’s OK.
There’s somewhere beyond this, I know..
But I hope I can find the words to say.
...
Never again..no..
No never again..
...
Coz you’re a god
And I am not
And I just thought that you would know..
You’re a god
And I am not
And I just thought I’d let you go..-You’re a God
...
Taking off that mask was never more difficult, ne?
“There. kill me. I deserve it.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“Oh c’mon!”
“What? You’re still my plushie..i still love you..wala naman nagbago sa pagmamahal ko sayo eh..”
“You..”
“What?”
“You have gotta be kidding.”
And just for the record..
Yes, I did know. But yes, the lies still hurt me.
I just wanted you to tell me yourself..in your own time.
And now that you have..
Yes. I still love you all the same.
*smiles gently*
Monday, May 2
May 2 Tues.
“waw..mahal mo talaga siya.. Namamangha ako sa’yo..pero naaawa at the same time..”
...
Second day of review classes, and I was late. Damn it all, I was late. And for the most pathetic of reasons.
Che!
Asungot sa buhay ko ‘yang babaeng yan eh..parang linta na laging iniirita si dad, at si dad naman di makayanang humindi sa dating pag-ibig..
And no, I’m not talking about my mom.
Poga..
I never liked her. Kuya never liked her either. Ang feeling nya eh, pakiramdam nya angkin nya buong household. Sabagay, kapit-tuko nga naman sa kanya ang puso ni ama, kaya tila hawak nya ang kapangyarihan. Puta’ng gala..
Ay du naaat layk yu!
Nasa Canada ka na nga, di mo pa rin tinigilan ama ko! Araw araw sa ginawa ng Diyos, tawag ka nang tawag dito and for what? Advice regarding your work? Ampoga talaga..eh kung di mo naman pala kaya’ng magtrabaho jan mag-isa mo, eh ba’t ka pa lumisan jan?? Ginagamit mo lang naman talents ng dad ko sa trabaho eh, and you hardly give him credit!
Fuck! I don’t like you talaga! Did I stress that enough? You’re living proof na mana-mana lang, kasi ako..marami din ako’ng nakilalang katulad mo sa buhay ko..
Makipag-break na at lahat, saying you fell for a younger, better, sweeter man..manigas ka! Now you’re crawling back and making it seem like you’re just being “good friends”? Don’t you know that you’re just keeping this wound open and fresh, providing false hopes for an ever-faithful, completely hopeless compassionate heart on a daily basis?? And you’re saying you just want advice?!
Want MY advice?
Get the hell away from my dad, and get your own life!
TRYING-HARD BIATCH!
...
...
Good thing the teacher was nice, and we were introducing ourselves for the day. Good thing my barkada was crazy as ever, and I was doubled over laughing most of the time.
I’m worried sick of my plushie again, missing him like crazy. Ho-hum. I just hope he’s okay..
I know my barkada thinks me stupid for being like this, and I know how they must feel. I know they’re just holding their tongues so as not to make such a big deal out of this, but I know something too..
I’m different.
And I have to deal with that.
...
Things are being kept from me again, and I don’t like it.
I have this sickening gut feeling that something bad is going to happen. And the fact that the feeling is strong yet subtle and oddly calm is a sure sign that its something very very bad.
It’s like that odd lurching sense of dark surprise when you miss a step on the stairs. It’s that rushing empty feeling of vertigo, falling into a soft mass of nothingness.
I feel like crying. But I can’t cry. I won’t.
Coz there’s no reason to.
Or is there?
Damn it..i don’t always like being right.
And in this case..
I HATE THAT I’M RIGHT.