Monday, May 2
May 2 Tues.
“waw..mahal mo talaga siya.. Namamangha ako sa’yo..pero naaawa at the same time..”
...
Second day of review classes, and I was late. Damn it all, I was late. And for the most pathetic of reasons.
Che!
Asungot sa buhay ko ‘yang babaeng yan eh..parang linta na laging iniirita si dad, at si dad naman di makayanang humindi sa dating pag-ibig..
And no, I’m not talking about my mom.
Poga..
I never liked her. Kuya never liked her either. Ang feeling nya eh, pakiramdam nya angkin nya buong household. Sabagay, kapit-tuko nga naman sa kanya ang puso ni ama, kaya tila hawak nya ang kapangyarihan. Puta’ng gala..
Ay du naaat layk yu!
Nasa Canada ka na nga, di mo pa rin tinigilan ama ko! Araw araw sa ginawa ng Diyos, tawag ka nang tawag dito and for what? Advice regarding your work? Ampoga talaga..eh kung di mo naman pala kaya’ng magtrabaho jan mag-isa mo, eh ba’t ka pa lumisan jan?? Ginagamit mo lang naman talents ng dad ko sa trabaho eh, and you hardly give him credit!
Fuck! I don’t like you talaga! Did I stress that enough? You’re living proof na mana-mana lang, kasi ako..marami din ako’ng nakilalang katulad mo sa buhay ko..
Makipag-break na at lahat, saying you fell for a younger, better, sweeter man..manigas ka! Now you’re crawling back and making it seem like you’re just being “good friends”? Don’t you know that you’re just keeping this wound open and fresh, providing false hopes for an ever-faithful, completely hopeless compassionate heart on a daily basis?? And you’re saying you just want advice?!
Want MY advice?
Get the hell away from my dad, and get your own life!
TRYING-HARD BIATCH!
...
...
Good thing the teacher was nice, and we were introducing ourselves for the day. Good thing my barkada was crazy as ever, and I was doubled over laughing most of the time.
I’m worried sick of my plushie again, missing him like crazy. Ho-hum. I just hope he’s okay..
I know my barkada thinks me stupid for being like this, and I know how they must feel. I know they’re just holding their tongues so as not to make such a big deal out of this, but I know something too..
I’m different.
And I have to deal with that.
...
Things are being kept from me again, and I don’t like it.
I have this sickening gut feeling that something bad is going to happen. And the fact that the feeling is strong yet subtle and oddly calm is a sure sign that its something very very bad.
It’s like that odd lurching sense of dark surprise when you miss a step on the stairs. It’s that rushing empty feeling of vertigo, falling into a soft mass of nothingness.
I feel like crying. But I can’t cry. I won’t.
Coz there’s no reason to.
Or is there?
Damn it..i don’t always like being right.
And in this case..
I HATE THAT I’M RIGHT.