Friday, April 21
i hate UP.
pinabalik-balik ako sa pgh, cmc, up registrar, pgh ulit, cmc ulit, up health sciences..
only to find out i have to go back to fucking pgh!!!
fuck!
so what if they found out i have chuvaeklavuscoliosis? and a tenting deformity in my left lung?
will i die? will they die? are they scared that i'll suddenly drop dead in the middle of the semester and not be able to pay them the fee of [torotot sound here] 6500php??
*deep sigh*..
tangina talaga..
nagpapatong patong mga problema ko eh..
di ako si zhazha zathurna noh!
naabutan pa ako ni kuya na umiiyak..shit.
di pa nakaka-decide si dad kung anong college ako papasok..feeling ko nagulantang sha nung sinabi ko sa kanya na gusto ko USTe eh..
am i supposed to be insulted on how suprised they all were?
kasi parang ang ibig sabihin nun, tinutulak na nila ako sa daan na hindi ko pa sinasabi kung ano ba talagang gusto ko..diba?
ay ewan.. i'm just being immature..i am thankful he didnt hit the roof..and that he's willing to consider it...
*buries my face in my hands*..
...
and this issue about lack of communication..
di ko naman kasalanan ah..sa tingin nyo ba gusto ko na hindi kausapin mga mahal ko sa buhay?
do you guys think i enjoy that?!
no i dont!
kung kayo nasasaktan, MAS NASASAKTAN AKO!
coz right now is the loneliest time of my life! if i could log in the net all day, I WOULD!!!
biruin mo, ang kayakap ko lang buong summer ay si sasuke..si sasuke!
and for you guys who dont know who sasuke is, he's a DOLL.
an inanimate object that can't hug me back. can't run its fingers through my hair. cant tell me everything's gonna be alright.
ah fuck..i even slipped last night..
*rubs eyes*
im so damn weak.. and i can't stand it..
i can't take this..
why do you expect me to do these things..? ha, Lord?
...
...
*sits in a corner, cries softly*
im not mad, if that's what you think..if that's how i sound like..
i'm just really really sad. and lonely and frustrated.
God.. im so deprived right now..
you dont know how its like to feel this way..
giving up is so beautiful.. and she's a mere finger's length away..
i want to live the rest of my life as someone else, something else...until the next life comes along..
and the only thing keeping me from doing so..
are the people who love me..the people i love..
kaya please..sana hwag na tayo mag-away..
magbati na tayo... mag-usap tayo, maglakwatsa tayo..
please.. para maging masaya tayo..masaya kahit marami tayong pinagdadaanang sari-sariling problema..
please...
i honestly..can't live this life - and others to come - without you guys.
i dont want to go on without you guys..
*rubs eyes*
mahal na mahal ko kayo..
at wala akong pakielam kung si jasmine trias ang pumapasok sa utak nyo ngayon..
sasaksakan ko siya ng isang malaking subo ng bibe'ng may asupre!
>_<