Tuesday, February 8
Feb. 8 Tues.
“..itakas mo ako sa Laoag..” –status
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I really hate prom now.
Really.
I abhor it.
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The moment I tried in vain to zip up the side zipper of my off-white, secondskin-like gown and looked at myself in the mirror..
Wow.
For once, I appreciated my own body.
When I walked out of the dressing room, wow. They apparently appreciated it too.
“My goodness, you are so..statuesque! Gusto mo ba sumali sa Binibining Pilipinas?”
“Er..thank you, Mr. Lim..but I must respectfully decline..its not allowed in our school..”
“Ay, aabangan kita pagkagraduate mo.”
“Ehe..”
Thanks a lot, dad..for snuffing out my solitary moment of self-appreciation. You just had to remind me just how much everything costs, how you think this is too unnecessary, my bad posture and demeanor, the fit of the gown, my shoes that will take forever to find..
Yeah.
Damn, I love the prom.
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And this issue with my promdate..ohohoho.
It’s a truckload full of crap, if you ask me.
Damn.
One is too friggin shy to go alone. Yeah, I get why he is, but damn! POGA! Hindi ba nakakainsulto yun saakin? Na parang..hindi pa ako sapat para i-entertain sha sa gabing yun – na kailangan pa nya ng kakilalang isa pa para lang ma-satisfy sha?!
Yung isa naman – anak ng kaopisina ng dad ko, matino nga, masayang kasama, sobrang ‘perfect’ na daw according to my kaberks..yknow, yung tipong mayaman, maginoo, gentleman, gwapo daw, matalino, nakakatawa..pero damn! Naloko ako nung isang yun! Pagtapos ng pagkikita namin, ni hindi man lang ako sinabihan na may girlfriend na siya! And he acted as if he didn’t have one! Kinailangan pang ipamukha ng tatay ko sakin na “celine, may gf na yun ha. Pero di ka naman umasa, diba?” Right. Kinuha nga nya ym ID ko at email, pero hindi po niya ako inadd sa ym o friendster or inemail! Di nga nag-text pagtapos eh! Parang..wala lang. Di nya ako kilala.
Wala na nga akong pakielam sa height difference, diba? Sabay gaganyanin ako?!
Shit, man!
So first priority is drop the one who doesn’t want me.
Try to get the latter..pero diba, mahirap? Kasi may gf na nga’t lahat, tapos di pa ko pinapansin..
Tried. Failed. May affair na daw sha. So back to square one. I just have to plead with him to go with me even though his other friend isn’t there.
My dad was enraged. Para daw akong kawawa na trying-hard. I sucked at searching for promdates daw. Parang..kasalanan ko pa daw! So he’ll take it into his own hands..
Poga.
Pinilit nya yung anak ng kaopisina nya! Wow! Diba ang galing? Feeling ko pinilit lang yun ng nanay eh..tipong piningot yung tenga para lang umOO.. Well, umOO nga. Pumayag. Pero poga..i sure as hell hope hindi sapilitan! I think oo..pero sana hindi..kasi parang ganun din eh – walang kwenta. Ayaw pa rin talagang makasama ako.
Its now too late to get a new promdate..
And it sucks that im stuck with dates who don’t realy want to be with me..
It sucks that all my other friends and classmates ended up with their ‘dream guys’, and were already having the times of their lives just THINKING of how they’re gonna be in seventh heaven on the prom..
It sucks that everybody’s pressuring me to look and exude my best, and pushing me to the edge just to impose their dreams on me..
It sucks that I, the eternal icequeen, am so damn STUCK UP about this whole thing..i mean, hello?! Im the type who’s supposed to go with the flow, coz I don’t friggin give a damn about anything that involves girly crap and guys!
It sucks that the guy I really wanted to be with – and yes, he really wanted to be with me too..he’s 6’3 and damn fun to be with, polite and kwela, and damn is his heart beautiful.. – he has a FIELD TRIP on the day and night of the prom! The trip is for TRHEE DAYS! Which meant that he wont make it to the legacy either!
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Damn it.
Damn the promdates.
If it was possible to go stag, id go stag.
If my berks didn’t practically kill themselves just to prepare for this prom, I wouldn’t go.
At all.
I would much rather hike up my skirt to my knees, ruffle my twirled hair down, break off my heels, and run after my friend to north Luzon.
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He would gladly ditch his trip just to be my promdate..
Damn.
I knew he could do it.
I knew if I agreed, he really would.
But..i loved him. I knew that his grades would nosedive if he didn’t go to the trip. I loved him more than I loved my own ‘dream prom’ and how I would look like that night.
But..
He said he loved me more than his grades. He’d gladly ditch the trip for me. That he’d rather stick a knife at his president’s neck just for him to change the trip sched..
Damn..the temptation..
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But I declined, smiling.
The mere fact that he was willing to do that for me, is more than enough to keep me smiling all prom night.