Sunday, December 5
Dec. 5 Sun.
"Well the scene begins,
A little girl is crying;
And the light in the hallway is dim..
And she sits right back,
Thinks of the reason -
Why nothing will fall into place..
She gets more and more curious with every day,
More furious in every way..
WHY'S IT HAPPENING TO ME?
And the answer is:
ITS MEANT TO BE.
...
Well she's on her knees,
And begging please..
She wonders if there's somebody out there -
To make things wrong..
To make things right..
It might be,
That there's somebody out there.
...
She moves amongst the crowd,
The people they walk by..
She questions why they'll have to die..
Its part of our lives,
So beautiful and precious..
She knows that she shouldn't be afraid
of all this..
...
Theres times that she hates you
Theres times that she thanks you,
And hopes that you might understand..
It gets hard down here,
So many things to fear,
But its all just a sign that you're near.." -Somebody Out There
...
...
I've made up my mind.
So help me God..
This one's for YOU.
...
...
Kuya had me try out this new facial soap, and for the whole day the skin on my face felt slightly stretched - enough to make frowning hurt.
So yeah.
I spent the whole day smiling.
Smiling.
For once, it didnt hurt to smile.
The effect?
People kept staring.
Some guy even tripped over somebody else coz he was looking at me, and not the ROAD.
Mustve been something on my face.
...
...
My dad is funny.
He treats me like a kid, but expects me to look and act like a lady..
And if I dont comply, he gets angry at me.
I know its not a big deal.
But public humiliation kinda hits that frustration spot.
...
...
Dad bought me my Christmas present today..
And since my dangerous CDs of evanescence and sentimental compilation suddenly disappeared for some unknown reason..i wanted a new CD.
The Calling entitled Two.
Oh yes.
An album filled with songs of hope and love and believing.
Loved the lyrics..
Just what I needed, ne?
Great.
Oh, and..when you take the CD out of the case, theres this picture at the back.
Picture of a small bird with a long beak.
...
...
He hadnt died after all..
Just another one of his flukes.
"Don't tell me you MOURNED for me.."
Yes.
Yes I did.
...
It hurt to be ecstatic and devastated at the same time.
Alive.
Engaged.
Alive..
But engaged.
Alive..
AND engaged!
A little voice in my head was going:
EEEEESSSTUPIDA!
I shook my head and laughed.
"congratulations!"
And then he said it.
The very words I hated to hear from anybody.
"Never lose hope..
The right one will come along."
I flicked a smile.
*maybe..
but I doubt ill be there.*
...
...
I was weaving in and out of the shelves upon shelves of beauty crap, dodging glances stares and whispers.
The grips were tightening..the condemnations were pounding..the fingers were poking..
I felt like I wanted to rip myself out of my very skin and run away in a tiny, bloody, soppy mess.
Just then, my hand stopped..hovering over an item.
Peach and rose essence body scrub.
I blink-blinked.
Then I turned around, and saw a whole stack of Peach face powder.
I raised my eyes, and in the distance of the café shelf..
A bottle of Peach tea.
I slowly made my way to the grocery counter, and found my fingers almost involuntarily closing around a lollipop.
Chupa Chups Peaches and cream.
...
Ignoring the stares and whispers, I stared affixedly at the candy.
..like I never saw anything like it..
"you..are you..?"
Just then..
"..if I could..
then I would..
id go wherever you will go..
way up high..
or down low..
ill go wherever you will go..
wherever you will go..."
...
...
I smiled..
The first and only authentic smile for the day.
"one day.."
I stood there, smiling ever so warmly, staring off into another world..
Clutching my peach flavored cure.
...
*you never did promise me anything.
All else may fade..
Fade into change,
time,
sorrow,
popularity,
riches,
gayness,
engagement,
heaven,
angels,
hickies,
song lyrics,
visual plans,
boyfriends,
girlfriends,
card grades,
fanfics,
cigarettes,
drugs,
sex,
pearls,
books,
diamonds,
money,
leather bags,
bloodstains,
salt rings,
offline messages,
silver blades,
ink laden skin,
schoolyears,
chances,
opportunities,
words,
promises,
text messages,
tags,
comments,
blogs,
livejournals,
rumors,
laughter,
giggles,
whacks,
curls,
waves,
shampoo,
facial soap,
raindrops,
paperclips,
itches,
tv shows,
blue rimmed glasses,
flicked smiles,
tainted tongues,
long nails,
moans,
hugs,
smacky sounds,
purrs,
raw knuckles,
broken shards,
yellow pills,
balled up aluminum,
spicy ketchup stains,
finger strokes,
lies,
shivers,
breezes,
hot pies,
xena tapes,
dedicated songs,
stilled time,
lost moments,
ruffled hair,
butterfly kisses,
dances,
irises,
strobe lights,
vodka,
tequila,
cards,
passwords,
black wings,
pink spags,
white racerbacks,
silver crosses,
black hearts,
broken clips,
lost CDS,
phonebook,
no messages,
missed shows,
weird dreams,
phantom lovers,
imaginary friends,
gummi octopi,
white petals,
spiked gates,
tweaked voices,
spiked punch,
pathetic slaps,
silent tears,
choked regret,
tiny birds,
parallel universes,
shallow cuts,
deep wounds,
scars,
zits,
moles,
birthmarks,
homework,
testimonials,
palancas,
soirees,
interactions,
prom,
inkblots,
circulars,
cheddar and sour cream,
ketchup fries,
mentos grape,
amnesia,
caresses,
cherries,
arrows,
lost time,
truent blood cells,
heartburn,
unsharpened pencils,
electric fans,
and baby lizards...
But somehow, I know YOU wont fade away.
If not in this life, then in the next.
And then the next..
And the next..
Funny.
I dont have to believe.
I already know.*
...