Wednesday, November 10
Nov. 10 Wed.
"When will he learn?
That faith isnt completely a matter of believing..
Its a matter of LOVE." -The Exorcist
...
Im totally hooked on reading The Exorcist. Cant put it down, really..ive even pressed my luck by sneaking a page or two in Sir Eric's class..
But hey, its a really good read..the style is just to my taste, and the story is intriguing..
*ahem* not to mention the eye-popping, stomach turning obscenities..
*shakes head* well, I have learned a lot new Latin words and phrases, though, much to dad's pleasure..
Couldnt stop muttering "Et clamor meus ad te venitam.." the whole day long.
...
...
Made me think. A lot.
Evil..the devil..demons..
Human weaknesses..
Doubt..
Faith..
True power..
Guilt.
Ah yes, the guilt. Hot and steamy and slightly rotting.
The whole book was about it.
I know that quite a few of my friends are plagued and incessantly hounded by it..
Which is why the first thing I do when someone gets possessed is to drag my guilty friends out of the room. Even by their hair, I would drag them.
Why?
Guilt is an open door for evil to seep in and attack you from the inside out.
I dont deny that im hounded by ancient guilts too..i am. Sure as hell am.
But that isnt my weakness..
No.
The devil would be too crafty to tap into my guilt, if he knows theres something else..something more painful than that..
I lay awake, eyes wide and staring, as sweat trickled down the side of my head..
The thought terrified me.
If I looked up at a possessed person and suddenly see an all too familiar face looking back..serene and jolly and almost angelic..see that head tilt to one side, a smile glowing through stray strands of ebony hair..that voice..hear that voice slice through the air and into my heart..
"Sorry..do I know you..?"
...
Id crash.
I can use love to blot out the jelousy and hatred and anger and pain..yes it would hurt, it would ache and beat me down into a pulp if that possessed person garbled sweet nothings and mutter confessions of love to the person beside me..but love..love would always win..
But this..i would be utterly defenseless..
Coz there wouldnt be any love to begin with.
...
One of my worst fears?
Having a loved one forget about me.
But whats worse than that?
Me forgetting about a loved one.
...
Like Damien Karras in the book, I would rather jump out of a window and die before I let the evil inside me kill anybody while I can help it..
And like..a friend of mine..I would rather jump out of a window, drop two stories down, and bleed to death..
Before I would let go of a loved one's memory.
...
...
Et clamor meus ad te venitam, Domini..
*closes eyes*
..and let my cry come unto Thee, Lord..