Sunday, October 31
Oct. 31 Sun.
"NEVER STOP BELIEVING." -the Dude
...
Kung kailan tumatahimik na itong lecheng puso ko..
Kung kailan sumusuko na nang lubusan..
Dun.
Dun sha bigla na lang lalabas..kung saan man ako tumingin..lumingon..
Ampuga, pati nga yung mga bgm sa mall at kotse eh!
Bakit ba?
Bakit kung ayoko nang umasa..
Bigla kang lilitaw na parang buhay ka pa rin?
Na tila..
Buhay kang TALAGA..?
...
Bakit pa kasi eh.
Bakit ka pa nawala?
Bakit ka pa tumalon sa lecheng bintanang yon..sira ulo ka talaga!
Gago!
Dapat kinalimutan mo na lang ako, sira! Mas masaya na nga buhay mo na wala ako eh..
Pero hindi.
Hindi mo tinantanan yung..yung napakaliit na memoryang natitira sa likod ng utak mo..memorya ng isang babaeng naging kaibigan mo..
Panaginip lang ba siya?
Matangkad siya at mahabang buhok..
Nakakatawa, pero madalas tahimik..yung tipong ala Daria Morgendorffer.
Ayaw nya sa mga lalake, pero..gusto naman nya kung kasama nya ako..
Siguro dahil pareho kaming warak ang pamilya..at palaging depressed..
Ano ba to..
San ko ba siya nakita? Nakilala?
Bakit sobrang kakaunti lang ang naaalala ko sa kanya?
Bakit..bakit pakiramdam ko..naging matalik na kaibigan ko siya?
Ay..
Hindi ko alam..
Baka naman..guni-guni ko lang siya..
Panaginip..
Oo..baka panaginip lang..
Pero..
Pero hindi!
Sino siya? Kilala ko siya!
Rargh..ano ba to..ano ba to!
Ampucha, asan siya?! Asan siya?!
...
...
Siguro ganun ang inisip mo, ano?
Bago ka nasiraan ng bait at tumalon?
Siguro nga.
Lam mo bang..
Namatay din ako nung nawala ka?
Nawalan ako ng kaibigan..
Lam mo ba kung gano kasakit nung..
Nung niyugyog ako nina Jo at Rae at pinagtawanan?
Sabi nila sira-ulo daw ako..
Panaginip ka lang daw..
Panaginip.
...
Siguro nga.
Siguro nga panaginip ka lang.
Kagagawan ng bulok na imahinasyon ko.
Siguro nga may yoying ako.
Siguro nga inimbento lang kita..
Kasi nung panahon na yon, wala akong matalik na best friend..
Tapos ngayong marami na akong berks..
Humanap ako ng paraan na mawala ka..
Inimbento ko na namatay ka..
Na nagpakamatay ka..
Haha..
Sira ulo talaga ako.
...
Pero..
Pero..bakit?
Bakit ka bumabalik sa panaginip ko?
Bakit kung talagang kailangan ko ng sasalo sakin..ikaw ang dumadating?
Kagagawan nanaman ba yon ng imahinasyon ko?
Panakip-butas ba kita?
Sana..
Sana lang..
Kung totoo ka nga..magkita na tayo, ampuga!
Yun ay kung..hindi ka pa masaya sa buhay mo.
Kasi, kung buhay ka nga at masaya na..bakit pa ko eepal sa kasiyahan mo?
Pero..kung hindi ka totoo..
Ay.
Abangan mo ako sa susunod na buhay.
Magkikita din tayo.
At sa susunod..
Wag ka na tatalon, ha?!
Batukan kita jan eh!
...
Pangalawang beses na to, ha..
Nakakadalawa ka na.
Dalawang araw, kung saan man ako lumingon, anjan ka.
Naaalala kita.
Pasadya na eh! Halata na nagpaparamdam ka.
Ilang lalakeng nakasuot ng yellow polo sa bawat paglingon ko..
Pinapatugtog yung mga lumang kanta na kinanta natin dati..
Yung gitara mo..parehong style at kulay pa!
At yung panaginip ko..
Ha.
Anong pinapatunay mo?
Pinapasabog mo yung mga malalaking nakakasilaw na sulat:
NEVER STOP BELIEVING
Sa bawat pagtulog ko..
Baket?!
Ha?
Dadating ka ba?
Kung oo..
Ampuga, DALIAN MO!
*laughs*
Dito lang ako.
...
...
WARNING. EXPLICIT CONTENT.
+So Were You+ excerpts
by: CursedChild
*Bam Bam Bam Bam!*
My heavy eyelids snapped open. For a split second, I was confused, the hazy smoke flooding the room was softly slurring any trail of coherent thought.
"Trent, I know you're in there!"
Katie. Damn. I could barely hear her above the earsplitting gothrock music pounding from my speakers. I slammed my head back down on the carpeted floor, trying to blink away the throbbing migraine forming in my head for lying on the floor with my legs propped on the bed.
"Fffuck, wouldja leave me alone!" I shouted, sucking in another tantalizing breath of the drugged cig I held between my ring-studded fingers.
*Bam Bam Bam!*
"Turn that damn music down!" she screeched, "Chris and I cant even hear ourselves talking, dammit!"
Chris. Hn. New one, eh? I closed my eyes and let the warm ivory smoke escape my dry lips. She always brought home her boytoy, since our parents were hardly ever in town..or in the country, for that matter. Besides, they wouldnt even care for anything other than themselves or their damn jobs. Where was she gonna fuck this one, now? The kitchen?
"I don't fuckin give a shit bout you or your damn flavor of the month!" I shouted, running a hand through the messy brown locks that fell into my squeezed shut eyes.
"Go to hell, bastard!" she screamed with a final pound on the mahogany door.
I snorted, pressing the drugged cig against my lips and sucking in another breath. My head buzzed slightly, and I could feel my limbs go numb. I let my eyes roll back into my head as the spicy sweet exhale seeped through my parted lips and mingle with the thick ivory fog and pounding rhythm of the music that flooded the wide expanse of my room.
...
When I opened my eyes, It was pitch dark. The only lightsource came from the glowing buttons on my megaspeaker at the other end of the room. The music had stopped, but my ears were still slightly ringing.
I lay there, on the floor, my head buzzing and my limp body aching all over. The silence was often broken by a few giggles from outside the door..obviously from my older sister, her girlfriends, and their boytoys.
I slung my left arm over my eyes and tried to get back to sleep. Maybe if I sleep some more, my brain would just stop and I'd go into a coma. Maybe then, this pathetic excuse for a family would even start to care.
As I nudged my pale moist face, I felt the rough protrusions that riddled my left forearm.
Scars..slash marks, burn marks, all mercilessly carved deep and shallow into this rotting bag of flesh. I never showed them to anyone..I always kept them hidden underneath long-sleeved signature marked clothes.
People never see beyond the flashy tags and pricy fabric.
I sighed, as the drugs, smoke, music and alcohol ebbed away, allowing the impending memories to slowly rip their way into my gut. I hated it. Desperate to escape the greedy clutches of reality, I let my hand fall onto the carpeted floor, and started to feel around for my drugged cigs and lighter. My slender fingers enclosed on something cold and round..the ashtray. I cursed as I realized that my last stick was already reduced to ashes.
Too tired to get up, I tilted my slightly pounding head to the side. My half-lidded eyes looked out through the big glass windows. The moon was out, bright and glowing like a spotlight. The stars were out too..faintly sparkling through the tufts of dark grey clouds.
Then..I saw it. I could barely make it out through the fog of smoke suspended in my room, but there it was. Orion's belt. Three stars that always stood out against the dark sky, ever since I was a kid. I tried to focus my blurry eyes on the star in the middle..my favorite one. I never knew what its name was, or why it was my favorite, but it was.
I saw the leaves of the tree rustle and bend with the frosty wind outside my window. I dont know if it was just the drugs or the alcohol in my system..but for a fraction of a second..I felt something inside me. Like in the stillness and silence of that moment, that fraction of a second stretched into an eternity, and every nerve in my body was straining to awaken..to reach out..to answer some ethereal call..
I rubbed my eyes with a sweaty palm. I suddenly became aware of the suffocating smoke that was choking me, and the fact that my mind was swimming with a hangover, and every inch of my body aching. With a Herculean effort, I propped myself up off the floor, lowered my legs off the crumpled bed, and lay sprawled on the sweat-drenched carpet. I slowly got up and staggered my way blindly across the room, and flicked on the light switch.
Suddenly blinded by the brilliance, I frantically blinked away the involuntary tears, as I shielded my eyes. I brushed away the piles of CDs and half-empty bottles of tequila on the nightside table and grabbed my crumpled black leather jacket underneath.
I slid my pale bare arms into it, and loosened the collar of my black sleeveless turtleneck top underneath. I ran a ring-studded hand through the damp brown locks that fell into my eyes, before grabbing my motorcycle keys from the edge of the table.
...
Slamming the heavy mahogany door behind me, I slumped my way down the empty carpeted corridors. Turning a sharp right past the trophy room, I chose to ignore the sudden hush of my older sister's friends and continued to walk across the entertainment room.
"Where d'you think youre goin, punk?" Katie asked above the dry clicks of the billiard balls, her voice slightly slurred with her being drunk.
"To hell," I muttered, not even bothering to glance at any one of them. I blinked away the stinging marijuana smoke that fogged the room and crept into my eyes, as I stepped down the grand staircase into the foyer.
I heard a few faint giggles and squealed comments about how damn hot I was from upstairs, before I shut the garage door behind me with a thud. Inhaling the chilly August air, I shivered slightly as a sudden draft gushed through the long rows of cars. Clutching my leather jacket tighter against my skin, I slipped my motorcycle key into the slot of a black Ducati, slung a Girbaud jeans-clad leg over the seat, and started the motor.
The deep revving sound and warmth that emanated from the lights and motor drowned out the frost creeping into my skin, and the pounding music that started to play from inside the house. She would most probably throw another party for her friends, but the thought of our mansion getting trashed or catching fire and burning to the ground didnt concern me at all.
"Im outta here." I muttered, shaking the stray strands of hair out of my eyes before slipping on the helmet. Revving up the gas, I screeched out of the garage and into the bleak, dimly-lit roads.
Out of one hellhole, and into another.
Destination: Urban Dragrace Hell.
...
...
...
End of Chapter 1.