Friday, October 29
Oct. 29 Fri.
"Its not like you to say sorry..
I was waiting on a different story
This time im mistaken..
For handing you a heart worth breakin.
...
And ive been wrong,
Ive been down,
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream:
ARE WE HAVIN FUN YET?!" -This Is How You Remind Me
...
To hug me when im quietly smiling is to save what's left of my twisted existence.
Thanks, te Lalaine.
You just saved a pathetic insignificant bag of rotting flesh.
...
...
Notes to self:
1. Green floral printed pants are STILL floral printed pants.
2. When you get that all too familiar feeling that Fate's about to jump out of nowhere and bite you right in the ass...pray. (coz chances are, he WILL jump out of nowhere and hit you right in the jugular. Forget about pulling on a mask, its gonna be ripped right off one way or another anyway. And escaping will only chew at your gut for the rest of the afternoon.)
3. Don't complain when pool water splatters on your legs. Around noon, you'll be begging for it.
4. When you're sitting beside angels who are singing while playing the guitar, resisting the urge to fall asleep is futile.
5. You can use your height to shield the sun's rays from frying your friend’s skin. Nevermind if your own skin gets burned to a crisp. Hey..its just your skin. Everybody else are prone to skin cancer. Not you.
6. The only thing worse than being a third whell is being a fifth wheel.
7. Salvation can come in many forms. Heatstroke and hunger, for example.
8. Never walk out on a friend. Not for anything.
9. Your barkada sticks around for a reason. And when you're about to shatter into a million pieces, you'll be thankful that they know exactly where you are, go to you, stay close by, and try to steal you away from the 'bad guy'.
10. When you see them laughing and being happy, dont butt in and spoil everything (coz you will!). Just smile, pray for them, stand on a monobloc chair, and scream your lungs out for your basketball team.
...
...
Kuya dressed me up for Les' party that night.
The theme?
Gucci Goth.
Damn.
I wanted to wear all black, but he wouldn’t hear it.
I quickly clipped on as much black and silver I could before he burst in the door. Silver cross earrings and necklace, silver rings, black racerback top, black belt with silver studs and chains..
*door slams open*
Then I saw it.
White pants. And those..those..shoes..
"Kuya..they’re pointed toe.."
"They’re called KITTEN HEELS, Celine!"
"Kitten WHATS?!"
...
"Okay, now for the make-up."�
"Kuya..i don’t have make up."
"di nga."
"Really. I don't."
"HANOOOOO?!"
How to put on make-up crashcourse is harder than learning how to balance redox reactions in chemistry. Really.
After a grueling half hour, I was smothered in pink powder, my lips and eyelids coated in thick sparkly lipgloss which smelled like candlewax, and my skin pudgy with shimmering lotion.
Kuya took pics. He even made me smile a warm smile..which took longer than expected, since he made me close my eyes and think of a happy thought before smiling.
"Ulit."
"Whaaat? Smile na yun ah!"
"There's anger in your eyes."
"Erk.."
*click*
"Ulit!"
"Ano?! Masaya na yun!"
"You had a mask on."
"Double erk.."
Yes. Gucci Goth indeed.
...
...
I was smiling as they commented on my outfit..trust kuya to make me look like a model daw, haha..
We hung out at Ate Sop's dad's office room. They were talking about something that obviously I was the only one who didn't know about, as I laughed my heart out at ate Sop's kiddie pics.
Ate Chesca burst in, dragging her guy and her guy's barkada, and we took our turns tormenting her with a certain blackmailable pic we had of her..*grin*
I could remember walking out the room with a tall glass of fruit punch in my hand, seeing the guys and gals butchering up the lechon, as a red-faced Les was screeching at them.
"WHAT IN HECK DYOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN TO THE PIIIGGG?!"
...
The bands that played were good, but when I got too tired standing up, or just too..hurt, id refill my glass of punch and retreat into the TV room and slump down on the big squashy chair. Everytime I did, Mike would join me a few minutes later, his hair in his face, grab his guitar, and we’d jam.
As in jam.
We had our own concert, haha. One guitarist, two vocalists, and several weirded out spectators.
Mike: *staggers in*
Me: *snorts* "You drunk?"
Mike: *slumps in a chair* "Hahaha..i dunno.".
Me: "Ahh, bangag tayo pareho."
Mike: "Heh. Buti ka nga eh, may transpo pauwi..me, I cant drink and drive, haha." *grabs his guitar and plays random chords*
Me: *gulps down punch* "Kaya mo Iris?"
Mike: *grins* *plays Iris*
Us: *sings the first verse*
Me: "Ayan, chorus na!"
Mike: *takes a deep breath* "And I -" *pause*
Us: *laughs our heads off*
Me: "H-hindi mo kaya yung m-mataas!" *laughs*
Mike: *laughs* "Hindi mo rin naman kaya eh!"
Us: *shouts with cracking voices* "AND I DOOOONNNTT WANT THE WOOORLD TO SEE MEEE..COZ I DOOONT THINK THAT THEY’D UNDERSTAANNNDDD..."
Me: *rolls around in the chair, using my cel as a mic*
Mike: *headbangs*
*Ate Sop, Ate Lalaine, and Beija walk in, staring*
Us: *shouts even louder, with worse voices* "When EEEEVERYTHING’S MADE TO BE BROOOKEEENNN..I JUST WAAAANT YOU TO KNOOOW WHO I AAAAMM!"
Sop: *throws a stuffed toy at us*
Lalaine: *sits beside Mike, whacks him on the head*
Beija: *stares*
Crowd outside: *claps*
Mike: "Roaaaaarrrr!!!"
Me: "WE LOVE YOU MANILA, GOODNIGHT!!!"
Us: *laughs our heads off*
Family na nga kaming lima.
...
At some point, I felt like I was walking around on tiptoe, not really hearing my own voice, giggling and chattering away like a maniac.
Right.
"Lam mo..kuya ko, may sticker na rinnagannnnyunnnperrro.."
"Cel! Your words are slurring!"
"Ah? De ah..haha..this punch..me likie.."
"Wait..how many glasses of punch did you have..?"
"Mmm? Oh, this? Er..i lost count at..ten.."
"TEN?! HOLY SHIT, CEL! TUMIGIL NA NGA AKO SA PANGALAWA EH!"
"Wh-what..? Baket..?"
"Its spiked! Lightly, yes, but still!"
"Ahahahaha..dont worry..im not yet drunk.."
Okay. I had a idea it was spiked..i mean, one gulp, and I felt my throat slightly burn. But when she said 'lightly spiked', I honestly thought it was spiked with San Mig LIGHT.
Turns out to be GIN.
...
...
I felt bad at the thought of having to leave at midnight..but then, whaddya know.
Quirk of Fate? Maybe.
Around 11:30, I heard Les' rants from the room.
"This sucks. THEY ALL SUCK!"
And then..the news. We were reported for 'disturbing the peace'.
Damn. Id give them disturbing peace.
So, the bands left, leaving us with an extremely drunk/drugged Chesca. If I wasnt tipsy with gin-spiked punch, I would have yelped in pain as she crashed beside me on the couch, and violently shove my ribs against the wooden handrest. But then..i just laughed. I think I even *almost* did something..wrong..with her..
*shakes head* *shudder*
Well, that was some night. Ah, but next time, ill make SURE ill get drunk.
Oh and..next week na lang yung Poweraid, Les! Belated happy birthday!
...
...
I slumped against the cold metal side of the car, listening to them play.
The lyrics were killers..but I was drunk.
So I just stared, smiled, and laughed.
It didnt hurt at all.
I found myself staring at the dark sky, pointing my half-empty glass to my favorite star.
"Right there..in the middle of Orion's Belt..hmm.."
I felt myself smiling broadly..softly giggling like a little girl.
But as I stared at the moon..as it shone brightly against the darkness..I heard myself murmuring.
"Jump..jump..jump, dammit.."
He was up there. I knew it. If he was alive, he’d be with me right now..right beside me, holding me steady as I swayed slightly in the cold. But since he wasnt..
He had to be up there. Watching me. He is The Watcher, right? Gave up his mortal life to be The Watcher..
He'd be standing on the moon..
"Jump..jump..jump down and take me away.."
...
Nothing.
I guess he didnt exist..at all..
...
The punch ran out, and the alcohol was ebbing away.
The night blurred itself away.
I found myself slapping them on the sholder. Mild slaps..weak and frail..like a child who was too hurt and exhausted to make her pathetic blows hurt.
"Ang daya nyo..ang daya..daya nyo..talaga.."
Thinking I was just drunk, she hugged me.
"I’ll see you around Cel.."
*No you wont, ate Sop..*
...
...
I wish I was you.
But I never make that wish.
Never.
Why?
Coz even if I DO become you..
Who would YOU be?
Me?
Oh no..id never let that happen.
Id never let you suffer even an ounce of what I went through.
And this is how I love.
...