Friday, October 8
Oct. 8 Fri.
"There’s a pain in her heart,
She’s trying so hard to unwind..
Makes her cry in the night,
When visions so real make her blind..
Wants to break through the fear..
Erasing the scars from within..
Start a new kind of being –
She’s down
And she’s praying again." –Hurt Before
...
This day ripped through my soul like a rusty chainsaw.
But it started out sweet..
Ate Maecy, Mars, and Joanne cornered me in the HS caf during house meetings, and got fascinated with my hair..
They combed it and braided away..making me look like some African princess.. Which proved interesting – especially when they wrapped a braid around the top of my head in some sort of a crown..
Thats coz I DREAMT of it before..but it wasnt me with braids..it was ate Sop, haha. *grin* (hoy, ang ganda kaya nya! Anak ng Datu!)
I wore the braids for the rest of the day..
But the rest of the day..
...
We watched this play in the afternoon..some play about the old heroes meets the modern heroes thing. It was fun, really. I mean..if you see a guy running around divisoria with a red hanky on his neck, white polo, salakot on his head, waving around a balisong, shouting “Ipaglalaban ko ang kalayaan!� ..well, youd be laughing too.
And there was this gay guy who was..was..
Ay. Tagalog na nga lang!
Langya..seksi, pare! Benta kaya sakin yung pag-arte nya! Ahahahha! Bigay na bigay! Asus, iba na itech! 2-inch heels, boob tube, miniskirt, at ponytail ba naman! Haha..sa huli, naka-pink na gown pa! Aba..pwede!
...
Ehehehe..
Well..
That was the fun part.
There was this portion, though..
Where this prostitute was told to go to Japan to find a better job..a job with more money..but there was a catch.
She had to leave her daughter behind.
Fate..was on a torture spree.
The shouts of her daughter rang in my ears and opened old wounds with avengeance..ripping at my soul like merciless lashes..
"What is it gonna be? DOLLARS OR YOUR DAUGHTER?"
'Mama..wag kang umalis..gagawin kong lahat..magnanakaw, papatay, lahat! Basta..wag mo akong iiwan!"
"Hindi mo naman ako mahal, diba? DIBA?! KAYA KA UMALIS! PINANDIDIRIAN MO AKO! HADLANG LANG AKO SA PERA MO!"
...
I couldnt take it. I wrenched myself from my seat and retreated into the farthest end of the bathroom stall.
Fuck it.
Fuck it all.
Dammit, if they wanted to kill me..they could at least do it right.
Not like this.
Not like this.
Anything but this.
I could only squeeze my eyes shut and hold back the aching tears, as I forced my mind to scream out a prayer..to drown out all other sounds..
to drown out the cries of the child who was curled up beside me, pounding the cold tile walls with her small blood-stained fist.
...
Footsteps.
I wiped my tears away and turned to the child.
"Hush." I said, my voice low and demanding.
She shook her head slowly, and pursed her trembling lips.
I gripped her shoulders and looked into her pinkish eyes.
"You MUST." I insisted. My voice softening into a slight whimper. "You must.."
She nodded slowly. I gently pulled on her mask.
"Good girl.." I smiled, pulling on my own.
...
I breathed deeply, and held her hand as we walked back into the cruel world.
...