Wednesday, September 22
Sept. 22 Wed.
"I will die.." –cursedchild & other
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I sat alone on the rickety yellow-white table, stooped over a slightly crumpled piece of bond paper, my pen furiously scratching away.
I was in the zone.
For some reason, it was as if my whole being was screaming – super imposing its passion onto every darkened line and every soft or sharp angle..as if my life itself depended on the drawing..
Draw..
Draw..
Draw!
My jaw was locked, and my hand etched away with inexplicable speed and energy..
All that filled me was the grazing, tearing sound of the pen and paper..
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"Huy.."
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I stopped suddenly.
My hand, painfully gripping the plastic signpen, was slightly twitching, hovering a few millimeters above the torn, crumpled, ink-laden surface of the paper..
I slowly looked up.
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I came alive and died at the same time.
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"A..ate sop...Beija.."
It wasnt the first time they saved me from myself.
As they sat down across me, I looked down on the drawing I so furiously made.
My eyes widened.
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It was supposed to be a simple poster draft for our project..
A 2x4in. sketch of a pregnant mother..
But as I beheld my creation..I couldnt help but be taken aback with fear.
It started out as an innocent drawing..
But now superimposed with deep dark lines, angry sketches, and riddled with nips and scratches..
I gulped..as the bloodcurdling image of a 9 year old girl flashed into my mind.
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My mind and soul were peaceful for the day, but at some point..
I felt Fate's clammy fingers creep up my neck and trace my healing heart. I clenched my fist, as I mentally pushed his hands away.
"Not today, Fate..no, I wont give in to you again."
But as I beheld the bittersweet sight before me..
Ah.
It felt like a bucket of acid was splashed over me. My brain screamed, my skin burned, and my heart tore at itself from the inside.
It was like poking at a healing wound, and opening it up again with a fresh wave of pain.
I was so not ready for that.
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Suddenly, I felt light and warm and fuzzy.. Like I was floating out of my body.. Like I could see myself from a distance, as I smiled warmly and turned my gaze to the side.
My eyes widened with shock, and my lips parted slightly.
There..
There in a shadowy clearing a few feet beside me.. Slightly crouching beside the cement column..
A girl.
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I gulped as I studied her eerie features with wary eyes..
She was just a child..no older than ten years..
A dirty and bloody white dress hung loosely on her frail smymmetry; one hand clutching the smooth surface of the column beside her for support, and the other hanging limply on her side. She swayed slightly, as she sluggishly stepped up onto the grey cememented platform. Cuts and wounds riddled her body, tarnishing her skin with brown dried blood.
Every move she made opened up her wounds and stained her dress with bright crimson blotches. But she looked like she hardly cared..or noticed.
Her bloodshot eyes pierced through the strands of her messy dark locks, and were fixed on what she beheld before her. I could feel the scorching wave of anger and hatred that emanated from every molecule of her being. She clenched her fists and slowly scraped the painted cement surface beside her with long fingernails.
Her bloodshot eyes widened as a low growl seethed through her bared teeth. With a shriek of fury, she stretched her arms – talons at a ready – as she pushed herself forward with such speed..
I could only gasp ever so slightly.
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In a flash, she was violently pulled back by yet another entity.
A tall girl in her late teens had her long arms locked tightly around the flailing, squirming child, which tried so desperately to break free.
The younger girl screamed in frustration, as she bit, kicked, clawed, and scratched..but the older girl only held on tight, silently sobbing and shedding tears from red and swollen eyes.
This older girl tried with all her might to hold on to the child, and pull her backwards. Her long-sleeved black top and long black pants clashed angrily against the ivory dress of the creature she held in her arms. Still sobbing, she bent her head over the child, and let her straight long ebony locks cascade over the little girl's head..as the creature continued to stretch her frail arms forward and desperately claw at the few feet of airspace that separated her from the bittersweet scenery.
I bit my lip at the pitiful sight.
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With a burst of blood and a sickeningly wet tearing and crunching sound, a pair of gorgeous bloodsplattered ivory wings erupted from the older girls back.
Her ethereal scream of pain rang in my ears and shattered my soul.
But I sat there, dumbfoundedly staring at her majestic wings for a brief moment.. Right before they wrapped around both girls with a sudden gust of scarlet wind.
The sphere of feathers shimmered a brilliant white, then faded away in wisps of grey and red. And there was no trace left of the two previous entities..
But another.
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She was sitting quietly right next to the concrete column, hugging her knees with her head bowed slightly.
She looked so..
normal..
With an off-white shirt and a pair of faded navy blue shorts; her long black tresses tied back in a sloppy ponytail..
But there was something about her..
That wasnt so normal.
Something about the way the stray strands of raven hair fell into her slightly puffy dark brown eyes.. The way she would press her pale lips together as a sigh escaped them.. The way she slowly turned her gaze up at me..
I couldn't look away.
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She seemed so real and surreal at the same time.
Then her eyes turned to the bittersweet scenery beside me. I could hear every slow, laboured breath she drew..as her unblinking eyes glimmered with impending tears.
"I cannot stay here.." she whispered ever so softly with a slightly echoing hoarse voice, as she continued to stare..her tears tracing the soft lines of her cheeks and kissing the corners of her lips.
I saw her twitch in pain with every laugh and squeal that reverberated from the scenery. There was fear in her eyes..hurt, and pain..sorrow, anguish, anger, uncertainty..
"Why not..?" I asked.
But as I looked deeper..
There was something more.
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"I will..die.."
There was LOVE.
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Her words hung in the air, and the cruel winds dared not snatch them away.
With her diamond tears and glistening eyes.. Her trembling lips slowly forming a soft, warm smile..
She became a bittersweet scenery herself.
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"Then go." I pleaded.. I couldnt bear to see her suffer anymore. There was nothing for her here but pain and suffering.. And she knew it.
She tore her unblinking gaze from the bittersweet scenery beside me, and slowly walked away..
"Why cant they see you?" I asked, my eyes still following her as she took step after step further and further away from me..
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"They will never see me..
They only see YOU."
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I could only look on, as she slowly faded away in the afternoon sun.
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