Sunday, September 19
Sept. 19 Sun.
"Though a mother forsake her child..
The Lord will never leave you.." -some mass song
...
After we circled the same block for the enth time, we knew we were lost.
And I hardly cared. I dreaded to reach our destination.
The thought that the military airbase was just beyond the nearby wall was drifting into my mind..and the thought of hijacking a helicopter was nothing less than tempting.
But we reached it anyway.
...
And there she was.
Standing tall and proud beside a brick column, a pearlring-studded hand clutching her new Louis Vuitton bagette..
I bit down on my lip at the sight of her rainbow-colored blouse.. as the wind wove through her short bouncy hair which she had dyed almost a hundred times over.. and as her gold necklace and bangles reflected the high afternoon sun..
Hatred won over reason.
I wanted to fling myself forward to the passenger seat, and cling to my father for all I was worth.
But she opened the car door and pulled me out anyway.
...
I stood unmoving as she called me by the pet name she gave me in a cute squeaky voice.
"Ahhh..I missed you so maaaaccchhh!"
I tried to smile.
I cringed ever so slightly as she pulled me into one of her bone-crushing hugs..
The steely coldness of her jeweled necklaces seared my skin.
...
...
Walking, talking, sitting, and just being with her made me want to shoot everyone within a five-mile radius, and spontaneously combust at the same time.
But I had to.
So I did.
...
The topics she raised were quite common..
But my answers to them werent.
"O, anong course ang kukunin mo..?"
"Medicine. Human Bio, kung pwede. Either sa UP or UST."
"Ahhh..yes.. You are going to be a pediatrician, diba?"
...
"I want to be a cardio-surgeon now."
"What..? But I remember..when you were young, you were so cute pa, gane! You said: 'I want to be a doctor of babies!' Ahahaha!"
...
"I was a kid then. I changed."
...
"O, kamusta na sa bahay..?"
"Okay naman."
"Ahh.."
...
"Kamusta na dad mo?"
"Mabuti naman. Trabaho palagi, as usual."
"Ahh..okay..okay.."
...
"Ano naman ginagawa nya-"
"MASAYA SHA."
"Oh. Okay.."
...
"So, youre 14 na, diba 'Ton? Este, 'Gel?"
...
"Fifteen. Sixteen na this year."
"Ahh..oo nga ano.. 1988 ka nga pala, 'Ton.. Este, 'Gel, pala!"
...
"Yes."
"Oo..oo..year of the Blue Dragon! Very powerful, gane!"
"...right."
"Your birthday is on October 16, right?"
...
...
"No. Its on.. On October 4."
"Ah, oo nga! Sorry..i forgot, 'Ton!"
"..."
"Ah, 'Gel pala!"
"ITS CELINE."
...
...
We spent the rest of the afternoon together, and well into the night.
I stood up from the wobbly foodcourt table, to leave at last..
My stomach was full of the food they stuffed into me, my tongue still burning with the salsa sauce I just ate, my eyes slightly drooping and heavy with sleep, and my ears still ringing with their small talk and hollow laughter of things so insignificant and horribly human and temporary and shallow..
She said she would take me to different countries..
Give me a chance to study medicine in the states..
Be the nurse who worked for me when I became a doctor..
She would be the one to design and manufacture my prom dress..
..My wedding dress..
Give me all the jewelry and accessories and echebureches I needed to be the most stunning girl at the prom..
..To be the most stunning and respectable-looking doctora..
...
...
I looked at her proud and giggly form through a thin layer of tears.
*you will never see past the gleam and glitter..you will never see me..*
But I angrily blinked them away as she daintily wiped her mouth with the napkin and stood up to say goodbye.
...
As she crushed my spine with her hug once more, I slowly closed my eyes and tried to sink into any residual warmth..love..or hope that I could possibly unearth from my heart and soul.
I thought I found something..
A tiny spark, perhaps..
But it was quickly snuffed out as my eyes fell on the piece of crumpled lipstick-stained tissue on the table.
...
...
*But oh..
It was you who made me see the bitter truth..
That I, Ma. Celine Borja Estrada..
Is not worth anything more than dirty paper.*
...