Monday, September 6
Sept. 6 Mon.
“Dont turn away,
Dont give in to the pain
Dont try to hide,
Though they’re screaming your name..
Dont close your eyes,
God knows what lies behind them..
Dont turn out the lights,
Never sleep never die.� –Whisper, Evanescence
...
The pain of knowing I will never have my happily ever after.
The pain of knowing I was never meant to be happy,
Or saved,
Or loved.
The pain of having one of the worst kinds of lives imaginable.
The pain of not being able to do anything about it.
The pain of being betrayed, hurt, and killed by the very people who were supposed to love me.
The pain of being exchanged for material crap.
The pain of being insulted day in, day out.
The pain of being the cause of misery and pain of the people I love.
The pain of knowing your wishes will never come true for yourself.
The pain of being left alone.
The pain of knowing ill never be able to escape this.
The pain of loving..
And loving too much.
...
...
The devil beckons me ever closer. He loosens the nails on my cross, and offers me relief by trickling hatred, anger, and jelousy on my wounds.
I love the feeling.
No more blood, no more wounds, no more pain.
And all I had to do was punch the words: YOU HURT ME. YOU KILLED ME. I HATE YOU. and press send.
I could almost taste it.
Id be vindicated.
And this time..everyone would care. Coz ill kill them all. How? By making them suffer..the way they made ME suffer.
The mere thought of it was making me levitate off my cross.
I love it.
...
But you know what I love more?
My God.
...
I took the golden sword and plunged it into my heart – so deep it nailed me to the bloody wood.
The crimson fire that poured out of me burned the devils hands..he cannot bear my love.
Now, he cannot bear to touch me.
I may lose hope, but may I never lose my love..
Or my faith.
...
*Ill hang on, God..for as long as You want me to.
I only ask You to give me the strength to always..
ALWAYS..
Choose to love.
No matter how much it hurts.*
...
...
++Here Lies++
Ma. Celine B. Estrada
..the one who
dared to love..
...