Saturday, September 4
Sept. 4 Sat.
“When you cry,
Id wipe away all of your tears..
When you scream,
Id fight away all of your fears..
I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have..
All of me..� –My Immortal, Evanescence
...
I could still remember..
The moment would forever be emblazoned in my mind.
...
I pulled away from Anne and Nica, before I broke down in tears.
I wanted to be strong.
I wanted to prove that I wasnt weak.
But then..
I held my breath and awaited the inevitable.
...
God didnt let her be my classmate this year for nothing.
She turned to me from across the room, across the weeping crowd.
I breathed deeply and implored the strength not to give in to her lies, to my hatred..
But when she stepped up in front of me, and looked me in the eye..
I couldnt help myself.
It was like..after all these years, I knew exactly what I had to do.
...
She turned her face up to me..that face that haunted my nightmares for more than 4 years..that face that I wanted so much to bash in.
“Celine..� she whispered.
I gently took off her cap that shielded her eyes from me. For a moment, she looked away, ashamed to look me in the eye. But I rested my arms around her shoulders and didnt let her pull away.
*Tell me. Tell me with all your heart.* I thought.
“I..Im not good at expressing myself in actions..� she said, her voice shaking. This time, it was my turn to look away. A part of me didnt want to give her the privelege of melting my frozen heart. Not after all she did to me..
“Pero..pag sinabi ko in words..I..I REALLY MEAN IT!� the words tumbled out of her mouth, like she was making herself believe in what she was saying.
I grit my teeth. “Then..what are you trying to say?� I asked, in a low whisper, trying my best to keep my voice from shaking.
She covered her face in her hands. And through her fingers, I heard her say the only thing I ever really needed from her.
“Im sorry! Im sorry..Nung sa Grade 6..Im sorry..�
...
I slowly pressed my forhead against hers. With that single touch, she suddenly wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my loose blue shirt.
“Im so so sorry..im so..so..sorry..talaga..� she whimpered into my chest, her voice squeaky and cracking. As I felt her shoulders shake with every sob, and felt her tears on my skin.. I gave up all the hatred. All the pain. All the grudges. All the..bad memories.
All I had left was love. My love for her never really went away.
I didnt fight the tears. They came pouring down my burning cheeks, and I held her closer..tighter. I never wanted to lose her as a friend ever again.
I tried to summon the strength to speak.. I tried to keep my voice from cracking as I whispered in her ear..the only words that both my heart and mind came up with.
...
...
“Alam mo..
Ang hirap..
HIRAP..
Talagang..
Mahalin ka..
...
Pero..
Mahal na..
MAHAL
Pa rin kita,
Rae.�
...