Monday, August 30
Aug. 30 Mon.
“You look at me,
But you can’t see
Understand, Im a sinner!
Dont corner me,
Dont lecture me,
Raise your hands, YOURE A SINNER!� –song in OST of The One
...
Too many voices are shouting in my head.
I listen to all, but which one do I heed?
My family?
My friends?
My heart?
...
I want to lash out and shout at every person im angry at.
FUCK YOU!
MAMATAY KA!
BURN IN HELL, BITCH!
MAGSAMA KAYO!
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!
GALIT KA NANAMAN SAKIN? FINE! MAGALIT KAYONG LAHAT!
HINDI AKO MARTIR!
EH BOBO KA PALA EH, ANG IBIG SABIHIN NG META SA METAPHYSICAL AY CHANGE!!!
SIGE, HWAG NA LANG AKO MAGMAMAHAL, OKAY? PARA MASAYA KAYONG LAHAT!
AH GANUN, AH..HINDI NA PALA AKO SAPAT PARA MAPASAYA KA.. SIGE! JAN KA NA, HA? HINDI MO NAMAN AKO KAILANGAN EH!
SA TINGIN MO MASAKIT NA YAN? MAS GRABE PA PINAGDAANAN KO, NOH! TAPOS PA EMOTE EMOTE KA PA NGAYON! EH KUNG IHAGIS KAYA KITA SA BALKONAHE NG 4TH FLOOR?! YUN NAMAN GUSTO MO, DIBA?!
GET YOUR FRIGGIN HANDS OFF ME!
GUSTO MO IKAW NA LANG SA PWESTO KO? EH KUNG GANYAN KA MAGBIGAY NG UTOS, SIGURO KAYANG KAYA MO NAMAN MAGING CELINE ESTRADA FOR A DAY!
ABA, TINEXT PA AKO NG GAGONG TO AH..ISAMA MO NA LANG KAYA: ‘PANAKIP BUTAS KASI KITA EH’ SA TEXT MO!
SIGE, TAWA LANG NANG TAWA! EH KUNG IPAG TUTULAK KO KAYA KAYO SA HAGDANAN? ABA, PARE! YUN ANG MASAYA!
PUTRAGIS, HINDI AKO KAGAYA NYO NA BASTA NA LANG NANG-IIWAN NG MGA TAO!
...
Believe me.
I had every right to say all that.
Every reason..every friggin reason.
But you know what I did?
...
...
“Tahan na..its gonna be okay..im here..�
“I tried to do what you told me to do..�
“Basta..kung may problema ka..andito ako as a friend, ayt?�
“Ive been there..easy lang, itl turn out fine..�
“Don’t give up..kaya mo yan..andito ako para suportahan ka.�
“Oh..im sorry sir, I really did think meta meant change.�
“Er..whats the problem..? Anong nakakatawa?�
“O talaga..wow naman, ang saya nyo..im so happy for you.�
...
I chose to love.
I chose to take in all the pain.
And it’s a helluva lot of pain.
...
Call me stupid..
Coz I am.
Mas bobo pa nga ako sa isang tanga..
Isa akong hangal.
...
...
Pero may tiwala ako sa Diyos.
Dahil anjan pa rin Siya sa harap ko, nakatingin sakin, habang pinapako ako sa sarili kong krus.
Pucha..
Ganito Mo pala kami minahal..
Mas grabe pa nga, eh.
...
I cannot love You if I do not love Your cross.
*Help me make a difference in this world, Jesus..
I may have lost my hope..
But dont let me lose my faith..
Most especially my love.�
...
I didnt say “I am now a soldier of Christ� on my confirmation day for nothing.