Wednesday, August 18
Aug. 18 Wed.
“Love: I arise from dreams of thee,
In the first sweet sleep of night.
When the winds are breathing low,
And the stars are shining bright...� –a text message from...my mother
Filipino and Geom today.
Needless to say, I grew a lot more fond of that metal railing...
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I watched a movie today. It was kinda dweeby... I mean, I can remember the first time I ever watched that movie: I was with my former best friend at the cinema house, and we were stifling our laughter as the people beside us were crying their eyes out.
But...it’s a lot different if you’re actually LIVING the character.
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What drives people to love?
To take that leap of faith, to break down their barriers that they themselves built over years and years of pain and misery...
What causes them to poke their heads out of their shells?
But more interesting...what drives them to continue on – to push through and endure such merciless inhuman physical and emotional injuries?
Is love really worth all their blood and tears?
And even if there is no hope left...why do people still find the strength and faith and stupidity to carry on, to fight, to give up everything for their love?
I don’t get it.
I am a child of science and analogy, and im telling you, I hate things I can’t understand.
But love...is one of the very very few things I cant comprehend, and...
I don’t hate it.
Which is very.
Very.
Bad.
...
Through observation, I used to think Love was only a trap – a game, an allegory, a mistake, an excuse. People use it to get laid, earn money, get the right to kill, destroy, and commit suicide. It makes people stupid and pathetic.
>I love you coz you saved me from myself, you light up my life, you picked me up when I was down, you were always there when I needed you, you taught me how to fly, you accepted me for who I was, you brought me to life.
>I love you, and I promise to give you everything you want.
>I love you, I’ll tattoo your name across my forehead.
>I love you, and if you love me too, you’ll kill him and him and oh, him too, for me.
>I love you, and I’ll die if you leave me.
>I love you, I’d wait till forever for you to come back to me.
>I love you, but if I cant have you...no one can.
>I love you, let’s have sex.
>I love you, I’d kill for you.
>I love you, but you don’t love me back...*BANG!*
>I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
>I love you, I’d steal you from your husband and take you with me to Troy.
See what I mean?
The only love I accepted and acknowledged was from my family, friends, and God. Any other form was just for show.
I mean, hello? Think about it. Love is always used – anywhere, anytime, anyway. But in reality – people have NO IDEA what love is. They really don’t. Ask anyone. They’d just go as far as:
Love is a...feeling.
Love is an...emotion.
Love is...something that doesn’t take up space and has mass.
Love is...God.
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Yeah. I do believe God is Love. Well, they’re both unexplained yet extremely powerful. But does that mean God makes people stupid too? Yeah, sometimes Love makes people smarter – inspires them to do better, to change their lifestyles, to reach for the stars...
But mostly makes them smile, sing kiddie songs, frolick through the fields and flowers, and pretty much look like morons.
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But then...people change.
I’ve climbed the stairs, and allowed myself to be lifted up from the murky depths of myself and into the heavens.
I saw...how a star is born...felt its energy pulsating through my own body...
I saw...how the clouds quenched the parched earth’s thirst...tasted its sweet kisses...
I saw...how Zephyr ran its fingers through the tree leaves...heard it gently whisper the secrets of the earth to little children...
I
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My conclusion: Love is funny. Hilarious.
Through most of your life, Love appears to you through a glazed glass wall – blurred, vague, and goofy looking. But suddenly, when you least expect it, Love gives you a peek – and for just a fleeting moment, you see its stunning beauty. You’re taken aback, but become very intrigued as it teases you with coy winks and saccharine whispers of promises – promises of a better life, something more...
You break down the glass wall. In the process, you can be cut or injured, but you don’t mind. Now that the glass wall is down, your defenses are destroyed. You’ve come undone...vulnerable to everything. But it doesn’t matter, does it? Love promised to heal your wounds and kiss your tears away.
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But when you do get out in the open, you reach out over the dark abyss for Love’s hand. Reach..reach.. Just a couple more inches.. So close, you can already feel the warmth from its fingers.. Then..
It takes back its hand. Backs away from you, laughing like a mischevious little sprite. Twirls around and away from you, as you stare in utter disbelief, falling into the dark chasms of reality. The only thing that escapes your slightly parted lips is a faint “Why..?� right before you crash into the mirror of your soul.
Hilarious, isn’t it?
I will never love again.
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It just scares me..
That’s exactly what I said last time.
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Icequeen out.