Sunday, June 27
Jun. 27 Sun.
"If all else fails...well...pray to patron of hopeless cases - St. Jude." -Sir Ruel
I was pretty much blank the whole day. I knew it was supposed to hurt...but it didn't. It was a dull feeling - like drowning in thick gloppy cement from the inside. If this was pain...it was a whole new level.
...
I wasn't quite completely conscious when I was slowly taking one step at a time to recieve the holy Eucharist. The only prayer murmuring in my head was:
"God...God... Oh God... Bahala ka na sakin..."
At that small moment, as I looked down at the small piece of Jesus nestled between the my ring-covered fingers and ink-laden, dirt-stained hands... Something suddenly registered in my brain. It was like...somebody just clicked on a lightbulb, and imposed the whole thought in my mind... Like somebody just whispered it to me...
*Pray to Saint Jude...the patron of hopeless cases.*
I blinked.
And the priest blinked back at me.
...
I prayed to him.
"Saint Jude... erm...uh... Dunno what to say, really... I just... I pray that you please...PLEASE give me hope. Hope was taken away from me. Please help me find it...so that I can also help others find theirs. If there's no hope for me, Saint Jude, then...then... Then just let me be able to help other see THEIR hope."
...
By the end of the day, something dawned to me.
"Hope cannot be taken away from you, its always there... You just can't see it."
Well, then...since...I'm kept alive for this long, I guess...I guess...
I prayed to him again.
"Saint Jude... *inhale* I...I don't know why God is keeping me alive. Why He seemingly CRUELLY lets me go through these things... Heh, you went through the exact same things, eh? No, yours were worse. And you pulled through... Well, then... Please...let me be able to SEE hope. And...grant that I may also help others see hope too..."
...
Faith, Hope, and Love...
Love ran away from me.
Hope was snatched away from me.
Oh God...
...
You made me lose it all...but please..don't make me lose my FAITH in You...
It's all I have.
...