Sunday, June 20
Jun. 20 Sun.
"Can you see me, Jesus? Coz I sure as hell can't see You..." -me
We attended mass at 9am.
My dad was doing the 1st reading, so I was left by myself on a pew.
...
It's weird when you're down and despairing, and all by your lonesome on a bench in a small chapel that has a monotonous priest who gives a boring homily...
Magpaparinig si Lord.
...
*Gunita ko'y Ikaw
Habang nahihimlay
Pagka't ang tulong Mo'y
Sa tuwina'y taglay.
Sa lilim ng Iyong mga pakpak...
Umaawit akong
Buong galak...*
...
*In my heart
I know my savior reigns...
I can hear Him
Calling tenderly my name...*
...
I couldn't sustain my smile.
For a moment, I felt pathetic at the thought that mass songs were making me teary-eyed.
But it was just a moment.
...
I gently placed my hand over my heart.
I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes.
I found it difficult to accept the thought that He still cared for such a creature as me.
I found it much harder to accept the thought that I was loved by Him...still loved by Him.
...
I looked up at the chapel's cross.
It showed not a crucified Christ, but a risen Christ...
With arms wide open.
...
"Can you see me, Jesus?
Coz I sure I sure as hell can't see You..."
And yet...
...
He holds my hand still.