Saturday, June 19
Jun. 19 Sat.
"Smile, Celine...it's the best disguise yet." -me
I offered this day to God. I said I was gonna smile and be optimistic no matter what. My sacrifice.
*Hn. Can you see Fate twitching and drooling in anticipation?*
What a golden opportunity for the sadistic jerk.
...
Dad made me choose where to go for the day. After texting a friend of mine, I suggested Eastwood. I didn't even wait for dad's answer.
I smiled.
...
And guess what.
He agreed.
...
I blinked, then smiled again.
*Thank you, God...*
But I didn't get my hopes up, not yet. Oh, no siree. I ain't falling for that again.
And true enough, my dad changed his mind at the last minute.
"Sta. Lucia na lang tayo, Celine."
...
I still smiled.
I breathed deeply, gently pushing away the mind-numbing pain. *Gently pushing away Fate, actually.* With much difficulty, I tried to look at the bright side.
*Maybe...maybe it'l still be okay... Maybe Dad and I will still have fun at Sta.Lu, and my friend would still enjoy at Eastwood... Yeah, maybe next time, then...next time...*
I smiled again.
I accepted it. And I looked at the bright side. I offered it to God. Coz He's the only one who knows just how much it hurt.
The pain slowly dissipated. A srange sense of warmth enveloped me. I felt better...
*Could this be...PEACE..?*
I looked out the window, up at the sky.
"I have faith in You, God."
...
I tried once again.
"Dad, pwedeng sa Eastwood na lang po?"
"Ehh..."
Just then, kuya called my dad on his cel, saying that he was gonna have a gig with his friends at Eastwood.
Eastwood it was.
...
I was stunned.
...
I took one look at the bunch of people crowding the sidewalks, and I knew...
*This isn't a gig, its a GIG!*
Dad and I bought tickets to see the movie "Chronicles of Riddick", then went to Starbucks. As I was walking through the curtain of people, most of them turned to take a second look. I don't know if it was because of the fact that a tall, serious, father-daughter pair were briskly walking by hand-in-hand...
Or just because my dad had his lips pursed tightly, seething at me from time to time, and I was just smartly nodding my head, and smiling gently.
...
*Smile, Celine...it's the best disguise yet.*
...
My dad had me sit at a table outside starbucks, as he ordered at the counter. My hair was softly pushed away from my face, and everyone who passed by me were staring. I don't know if it was because I was carving deep lines on my wrist, or because I was smiling...or both. When my dad came back with his usual tall misto, and my usual mocha frap and strawberry lollipop, we sat together and just looked around at the people passing by.
Just then, I saw my dad's expression change. He stopped talking, and was looking at something behind me. I saw a flash of blue to my left, and felt a tap on the side of my head. I turned and looked up.
I smiled.
...
"Heya, sis..."
"Hey."
...
For a moment, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to laugh, and drape my arm around her shoulders... But then, my dad was still quite confused, and her mom was right there beside her.
I have her a hi-five, and introduced her to my dad.
Me: "Dad, I'd like you to meet Beija."
Dad: *stretches out his arm* "Oh, so this is Beija...finally."
Beija: "Nice to meet you, sir." *shakes his hand* "This is my mom..."
Mrs.Rialp: "Oh, so you're the father of Celine, eh? Finally." *shakes my dad's hand*
As the grownups were chatting about stuff (what we were doing there, what movies we were gonna watch, that I was always welcome to come over to Beija's house...), I did something by pure impulse.
I tugged Beija's back pocket.
She stopped, looked at me, then laughed. With a final hi-five, we all bid goodbye, and went our separate ways. *sigh* They were gonna watch Harry Potter, then stay for her bro's perfomance. Anyway, I asked my dad what he thought of Beija.
"Kamukha nga niya si Harry Potter!"
I laughed. After we finished our coffee, we proceeded to watch the movie. Okay. What word can possibly describe this movie...
Awesome.
SPOILER ALERT!
As in. The special effects were amazing. And that's an understatement. And the movie was a sequel to another movie: Pitch Black - which we already watched. Da-mn. Riddick is nothing short of COOL. And Kira...with her solitary blade always hidden somewhere on her body, was...sweet poison. *pare, natitibo ako!* (she once hid a blade in her mouth, and fought her way through a dozen soldiers with two blades on the heel of her shoe) I adored the sarcastic remarks. And not to mention the sarcastic ways to die.
Examples:
(Riddick was chained to the rear end of the space ship)
Guy: "Look at you...the greatest escape artist in the universe...and now you're here... All back of the bus, and shit."
(Riddick's pinning Kira agianst a wall)
Kira: "What are you gonna do? Hit me on the sweet spot?"
(Riddick was taming a wild leopard creature just by looking at it in the eyes)
Guy: "How in hell did you do that?"
Riddick: "It's an animal thing."
Guy: "Everybody hide! The sun's about to rise!"
Everybody: *hides in underground caves*
(ground shakes)
Everybody: *looks at the surface thermometer*
Thermometer: *rises from normal temp to 750degrees*
Guy: "700 degrees?! Woah..."
(pause)
Girl: "That's one helluva sunrise..."
Lady: *walks around Riddick, inviting him to be a part of the army*
Riddick: *inhales her perfume deeply* "It's been a long time since I smelled 'beautiful'."
Riddick: "Whatever I put on this ledge, I can kill you with." *puts a metal teacup on the ledge*
Guys: *laughs*
Guy: *lunges at him*
Riddick: *in a flash, rams the teacup into the guy's chest, killing him*
Guy: *falls down on the floor, with a deep circular wound on his chest, dead*
(pause)
Riddick: "Get that body outta here. Now."
Guys: *just stares at him, gaping*
Riddick: *puts a silver key on the ledge*
(pause)
Guys: *scramble like crazy and carry the body out*
Kira: *grins* "Death by teacup. Hn. Why didn't I think of that?"
Gotta love it.
...
After the movie, dad and I walked around a bit, and I saw a couple of my batchmates. Through the constant killing sessions, I just smiled. It was hard... But kinda funny, though. Fate was cooking up countless little schemes to get me down. But I still smiled. At some point, I had lowered my gaze, and my lips were twitching. But I didn't give up. And the people...wouldn't stop staring.
"Smile, Celine...it's the best disguise yet."
At dinnertime, the streets were packed with people. Spikey hair, dark make-up, silver peiercings...and black clothing everywhere. The children of the night were mirroring the starry, ebonic sky. As we made our way to a restaurant, people were looking. Dad was getting irritated.
"Tingnan mo 'tong mga taong ito...they're so affixated on death; wallowing in their misery, pain, and despair... It's pathetic."
It took a few seconds before I could muster a smile.
Dad didn't notice, did he? No, of course not. I'm right here, and he doesn't see me. Maybe because I had my back straight. Maybe because I wasn't making a peep. Maybe because my hair was softly pushed away from my face. Maybe because he didn't realize my smile was a mask. Heck, he didn't even look at me smiling sweetly beside him.
Or maybe because I was wearing WHITE.
...
When kuya joined us at the dinner table, surprise surpirise.
*HE was wearing black.*
My eye twitched ever so slightly. I smiled again. He took one look at me, and grinned.
"Finally, sinuot mo na rin yang white razorback na binili ko sayo."
I laughed. I couldn't have picked a worse occasion to wear it. We chatted for a while, and ignored the countless stares, glances, and whispered remarks people were throwing at us. Somehow, the topic turned to my prom. Kuya wanted to design my gown, and have it made special. 10 thousand pesos special.
Both dad and I gaped.
"ANO? P10,000 FOR A GOWN?! NO WAY!"
Heh. Mana talaga ako kay dad.
...
As I was chatting animatedly with kuya, he suddenly blurted out:
"Tsk! Ayusin mo nga buhok mo, ano ba!"
I was taken aback. I blinked, then fixed my hair. He asked me to continue with what I was saying...but I couldn't remember. I lowered my gaze, and slightly shook my head.
*I pour my heart out, and he slaps me in the face.*
With much difficulty, I smiled.
...and he didn't notice a thing.
...
After dinner, we made our way through the crowd once more, to go to the parking lot. We sliced through a dark curtain of black and sliver-clad people. Dad and kuya were getting irritated. They hated demented stuff.
Kuya: "Alam mo, Celine, as I was walking towards the resto, I saw all these people and thought: these are Celine's kind of people..."
Me: *laughs* "Nah, its more of ate Nikita's kind of people. Besides, I'm wearing white."
"You look like a solitary angel."
...
I smiled.
First the Pandora thing, and now this.
*inhale*
I'M. NO. ANGEL.
...
I stood at the sidewalk, staring up at the sky. A single star was shining feebly. I made a wish. I don't know if it came true. I'd probably never know. Just then, something exploded in the sky.
Fireworks.
Everybody was looking up. I was looking down. I retreated into the shadows, and watched everybody else...as they, for just a moment, broke away from their miserable twisted lives, and for once looked up. They stood still, and were mesmerized by the flashing light and pretty colors. They said fireworks were beautiful. But I thought...
*Does something have to explode and burst into flame and get destroyed up in the sky just for you to notice it's beautiful? Just for you to CONSIDER it beautiful?*
I shook my head. I'm thinking too much again.
I just smiled.
...
As we were on our way home, I was breathing deeply at the backseat. I was thanking God that I made it through the day without sinking. Without feeling too bad. Without frowning. Then I wondered...
*What would Fate make of this? How would he react, now that I had fought him and won? Would he make something happen once more to make me explode and burst into tears?*
...he's gonna make me cry, isn't he?
...
I felt my supressed emotions bubble up to the sufrace. Oh dear...I WAS gonna cry. I begged God not to let me break down...not when I finally went through a greusome day without giving in to Pain and Fate...
I guess somebody heard me.
Heh. I thought he didn't care anymore. I was about to dump that guy...
...
Rain.
The one who takes my supressed pain and embosses it upon the sky.
He made the sky weep for me that night.
And as I curled up under the blanket, savoring the cold, rainy atmosphere...
I closed my eyes and...
Smiled.