Tuesday, June 15
Jun. 15 Tues.
"One day...one sweet day..." -the Dude
...
I flipped through blogs.
...
Minutes later, I found myself on the floor, clutching my chest.
I was wheezing.
I couldn't breathe.
My inhales were squeaky, and my exhales came out in huffs.
My lungs felt like they were being...pierced.
And my heart...
Nevermind.
...
I doubled over, and tried to get up.
I couldn't.
Images started flashing in my mind.
She...
She was...
She was happy...
...
That's all that mattered...
*closes eyes*
...
I was trapped. Once more.
I slowly fell to my knees.
I pulled my legs closer and sat down. In the middle of the living room floor.
I was slightly rocking back and forth, trying not to break my hands.
...Trying not to faint.
Then it hit me.
...
SMILE.
...
I did.
The pain doubled.
People didn't realized I was dying inside.
I liked it.
Perfect.
...
I pulled the plug, and sank into the bed.
Flipping through the channels, I felt a surge of drowsiness wash over me.
I smiled.
My eyes blurred over slightly, then...
...
Channel 49:
"Coz you bring out the best in me, like no one else can do... That's why I'm by your side...that's why I love you..."
...
I blinked.
I remembered him.
That was one of the songs he sang to me.
I smiled...
Until the song ended.
...
Channel 50:
"...and you know that we belong together...I don't want to spend a moment apart... Coz you bring out the best in me, like no one else can do... That's why I'm by your side...that's why I love you..."
...
My eyes widened.
Two different music channels...
What are the odds of that?
I smiled again...
Until the song ended.
...
Channel 4:
"...Now baby there are times when selfishly
I'm wishing that you were here with me
So I can wipe the tears from your eyes, and make you see...
That everynight while you are dreaming,
I'm here to guard you from afar...
And everytime I feel alone,
I close my eyes and dream of-
Where you are...
Where you and I will be together,
Once again...
We'll be dancing in the moonlight
Just like we used to do...
And you'll be smiling back at me...
Only then will I be free,
When I can be
Where you are...
Baby I still believe...
Oh, I gotta believe...
I will touch you that sweet day
That you take me there
Where you are...
I still believe...
I gotta believe...
I will always be waiting here..."
...
I didn't smile.
I buried my face in my hands and cried.
I fell asleep to the taste of tears...
...
And I dreamt of him.
It was just like before... so many times before...
He was slumped on the floor, beside my bed.
His head was resting on his folded arms, on the edge of the matress beside me.
I gently ran my hand through his hair.
*Like so many times before...*
He woke up, and raised his head. He looked at me.
My hand was resting on his cheek.
And he smiled.
...
He only gave his smile to me.
...
My eyes were blurring with tears...
But I dared not blink them away...
I was afraid...that when I opened my eyes again, he would disappear...
Once again...
*I never wanted to wake up...*
...
His eyes were sparkling with tears too.
...
We stayed that way for an eternity.
There were no words at all.
He took my hand and gently placed it over his chest...
Over a pendant.
The pendant...
The one I gave him...
Its crimson and azure light was softly glowing through my fingers.
*A single drop of blood... And a single drop of tear...*
He kept this part of me... All this time...
...
"Believe in this..." he said.
I felt warmth enter my fingertips...
And I believed.
"It's all gonna pay off...you'll see..."
...
I cried softly.
He took me in his arms and held me close.
*Like so many times before...*
...
And the only thing that filled my being were his words...
Whispering through the empty recesses of my mind...and heart...
...
"We'll find each other again...
One day...One sweet day..."