Monday, June 28
Jun. 28 Tues.
"It's kinda hard to hold someone high and steal her pain...if that someone wants to do the exact same thing to you." -me
I. am gonna. KILL. Father Joel.
...
First mass for the schoolyear, oath-taking of the officers. We assembled at the multi, and went through the mass. The heat was a sadist, but the HOMILY was a killer.
Father Joel spoke of...well..the school thrust, pretty much. Let us celebrate the joy of FORGIVENESS.
That's one twitch for me and my sis.
Here's a couple of lines that REALLY hit home, and sent us sinking into our chairs, and dangerously fiddling with sharp pointed objects:
"...at marami jang mga hindi kayang pagbigyan ang kanilang mga SARILI!"
"...because in Jesus' love and forgiveness, we are given HOPE..."
"...we must learn to LET GO OF THE PAST..."
And a line from a song:
"...though a MOTHER FORSAKE HER CHILD..."
...
Ah, but the priest was wrong in one aspect. And we were more than happy to know that we had the right answer.
Fr.Joel: "Tingnan nyo yung mga taong hindi mapagbigyan ang mga sarili nila...naka-simangot. Ang sama ng mukha, ano? Parang tinambakan ng lahat ng problema ng mundo..."
Me: *eyes widen* *slowly shakes head* "Oh...you're wrong about that..." *looks across multi at Beija*
Beija: *eyes wide* *vigorously shaking her head* "That's not right!" *looks at me* "Naka-smile nga, diba?"
Me: "Yeah! Nako, si father talaga..." *shakes finger at the priest* "Ang dami mo pang hindi alam..."
Us: *laughs*
...
We had long recess then, I pretty much hung out with my berks. When we all went up, I just spent some time leaning on the railing.
Pretty soon, somebody joined me.
"Heya, sis."
"Heya. You gonna jump?"
"Erm..."
"I'll jump after you, y'know."
...
*sigh* "Alright, alright..."
We spent the remainder of our break just talking about stuff - mainly about the mass - and dangerously stepping up and leaning on the railing every now and then. There were some points where we would stop talking, stare blankly ahead, and just stay that way...
...
Scars were still fresh, and wounds were still stinging as they healed. Bandages were still damp with blood, eyes were still red, and bullets...were still deeply embedded.
The longing to save others...to lessen the pain of the ones we love... The urge to give up every last part of ourselves for others, even if it meant a great deal of pain for us... And the overwhelming guilt that gnaws at us when the very people we want to save and protect are hurting...
*Mana mana lang...*
...
Quite inevitably, we found ourselves wrestling for each other's wrists again, in attempt to steal/fix/absorb each other's pain. It went on for quite a while, much to the curiosity of everyone - especially Issa, Pia, and Giselle.
Us: *wrestling, trying to get a hold of each other's wrists*
Pia: *looks at us* "What are you DOING?!"
Us: "Erm...its...kinda hard to explain..."
Issa: "L.Q.!!!" *manic laughter*
Us: *pause* *doubles over, laughing* "Gagi, hinde, noh!"
Me: "It's a sister thing, hehehe..."
Beija: "Yeah, a form of bonding."
Us: *laughs* *resumes wrestling*
Them: *stares*
Pia: "Y'know, Bea...you have got to be one of the weirdest people I have ever met!"
Beija: "Thank you!" *pause* "Hey, could you hold her other arm for me?"
Pia: *holds my arm*
Me: "NOOOO!!!"
Beija: "Aha! Yay!"
Pia: *lets go*
Us: *resumes wrestling*
Beija: *holds my hands VERY firmly in place*
Me: *struggles frantically, but to no avail*
(pause)
Me: *stops struggling* "...I know witchcraft, y'know..."
Beija: "I know...but I also know Reiki!"
(wrestling ensues)
Us: *ends up in another loop*
(pause)
Us: "Erk...truce?"
...
At some point, Mikee showed up. Beija was leaning her head on her folded arms on the railing, and I was right beside her, trying to make her feel better. Mikee suddenly asked me about my... *choke* "Love Life", coz I seemed so sad and broken-hearted...
Mikee: "Celine...tell me. Who broke your heart?"
Me: *twitch* "Ah...I..."
Mikee: "He's a JERK!"
Me: *eyes widen* "Erm.."
Mikee: "Whoever that guy is, he's STUPID! I wanna kill him!"
Me: "Wha?"
Mikee: "He let go of the most beautiful gift in the world!!! Binasura lang niya, and he hurt you!"
Beija: *twitch*
(pause)
Me: "Ah...Mikee, I'm not the most beautiful gift in the world...the guy is. I'm the WORST. And besides...the guy is happy now...and that...that's all that really matters..." *smiles*
Mikee: "No! I won't allow it! HE...HE TOOK YOUR VIRGINITY!"
(pause)
Me&Beija: *roars with laughter* "Oh GOD!" *loud, hysterical laughter*
Beija: *steps up the railing, prepares to fling herself forward* "AAAAHHHH!!!"
Well, I wanted to stay for more interesting chit-chat, but I realized that it was time for English, and I was LATE. I rushed to class. But Mikee's words still echoed in my mind till dismissal.
...
At dismissal, yet another wrestling match ensued. And yet again, we ended with a loop.
Dang, it really is kinda hard to hold someone high and steal her pain...if that someone wants to do the exact same thing to you...
...
Baka naman...baka yun ang dahilan...
Oo nga, ano...
...
*shakes head*
A brand new heartbeat was pounding along with mine... My sister's energy... It still feels strange, but...
Hey, I stole her pain, and replaced it with my energy too... she probably feels the same way.
...
*smiles*