Thursday, May 13
May 13 Thurs.
"Well I saw you
with your hands above your head,
Spinning around,
Trying not to look down,
But you did,
And you fell hard...
On the ground." -You're the Only One, Maria Mena
Its funny...when you think you're all alone...nobody cares, everybody's too busy with their lives and loved ones, Hope's tricked you again, Pain's on your case, Death's out of your reach, Fate's breathing down your neck, and the only person who ever understood you is happy being in love with someone else...
Memories start to emerge from the deepest depths of your subconcious, and gently cradles you in a familiar overwhelming and warm embrace...
Honestly, I think its some sort of involuntary defense mechanism.
...
"Immortal memories of a love sublime,
Forever lost in space and time..."
I had a dream. A memory...from a semi-forgotten past...
...
He said I was thin.
I narrowed my eyes and put my hands on my waist. The nerve! Oh, so I go through a day littered with insults, and now, I was being scrutinized by this guy in my dream! A dream, for cryin' out loud! I knew he only meant is as a joke, but I wasn't going to lie back and take all of it in, like I always do...
"Oh yeah?" I asked, evidently fuming. "Well, for a guy...you're...SKINNY!" My heart was hammering, at the thought of finally be able to lash out at somebody.
He gaped slightly. He couldn't believe it either. "Skinny? I am NOT! I...I work out, y'know!" He exclaimed, blinking at me.
I rolled my eyes. "Is that supposed to mean anything to me?" I retorted, my words being a lot colder than I intended them to be. The moment I realized what I had done...it was too late.
His grin faded, and he lowered his gaze. He slowly turned away from me. My mind snapped. Damn! No no no...I didn't mean it... I grit my teeth and shut my eyes. I wanted to apologize...tell him that I was just really...pathetic and disturbed...that I just went through a really shitty day... Ah, but I blew it. He wouldn't understand... Great. Somebody gets close to me, and I just had to slit his throat.
An awkward silence. The only sound was of water, splashing and gurgling in the fountain beside the stone bench where I was seated.
"Well..." He said in a low tone. "If I'm skinny...then I guess I can't do this!"
In a flash, he turned around and scooped me up from the bench, and held me in his arms, as easily as he would a stack of books.
"Hmm...I'd say around a hundred and ten...hundred and fifteen pounds?" he wondered out loud, an innocent thoughtful look on his face.
"A hundred and nine, now put me down!" I exclaimed, trying my best to hide the nervous tone in my voice. He was...too...close...dammit.
He pursed his lips, and cast a sideward glance, in mild thought. "Hmm...nope." A grin spread on his face. "And this is for calling me skinny!"
And with that, he spun me around. And around. And around. I flung my arms around his neck, and clung on for dear life. "Ngyaaaa...stop! Stooooppp!" I shrieked.
He stopped abruptly...then looked at my arms still holding tight to him. He raised an eyebrow. "Stop? Now that your arms are around my neck? I don't think so! Hahahahaha!"
With his arms under my shoulders and knees, he stepped up on the stone bench. "Oh no...put. me. down. now! This isn't funny!" I muttered, slightly wriggling in his arms. He just closed his eyes and smiled.
"Look...I know you had a bad day... I'm just going to...make you smile."
And again, he spun me around. And around. And around. I was shrieking and squealing like a little girl.
...
There was no sound. Only blurred colors of the grass, hedges, earth and sky. Faces of my torturers...family, teachers, horrible classmates, strangers on the street...they all seemed to be gently pushed away by this centrifugal force.
I felt my hair fly about and touch my face in wild disarray. The cool air was caressing my skin, and faintly whirring in my ears. The figures were slowly blending into each other, a dome of softly-stirred watercolor.
I lost myself.
But I...I felt afraid. Scared to death, really. Of what? Falling. I had put myself in the hands of somebody who could let go of me, or break me anytime. He had wiped my tears, soothed my fears, listened to my problems, chased away the demons, pulled me, and flew me so high up... He could send me plunging to my death in a blink of an eye...figuratively and literally.
With dread slightly gripping my heart, I looked up at his face.
Wind's fingers were running through his hair, gently pushing the chestnut strands away from his eyes.
And oh...
He had such deep brown eyes...
And they were gently looking into mine.
...
In the tiny fragmets of those blessed, blurry moments, I saw myself...reflected in his eyes.
A sense of peace washed over me. Warm and gentle, yet overwhelming.
In his arms, and soft gaze...
I found myself again.
...
The figures were starting to take shape once more. The earth and sky were split in two again, the fountain and hedges fell back into place, and the colors slowly unblended.
I could hear the crickets chirping faintly, and the soft gurgling sound of water once more. The stars started to appear in the sky, as the twilight crept in.
He had stopped spinning, and for quite some time - he was just standing there, on the bench, still holding me in his arms, just looking at me...the faint yellow glow of the fountain nightlights illuminating us both.
"So..." I muttered. "You finally got tired and dizzy, eh?"
He shook his head, smiling.
"So...why did you stop, then?"
...
"Because...you're smiling now..."
...