Wednesday, April 14
Apr. 14 Wed.
"Hide me in Thy wounds..." -AnimaChristi
*My heart is ready, Lord...what's left of it, that is.*
Step 2:
Kiss of Pain. I must use Pain to drown out all emotions. All the love, happiness, and sadness must be overwhelmed by a single thing. How to do this?
Open up old wounds. And dig the gashes deeper. And for me old wounds include: Family. Friends. People I loved. People who used to love me. Situations that hurt me. And killed me. I can't expound on this step, for the sake of the viewers of this blog. Too greusome.
Want a mental picture?
Hmm...something like the scene in The Passion of the Christ, scourging at the pillar. Yes.
I remembered that scene. Man...you cannot even imagine the gore. I lay on my bedroom floor and made a mental picture of Him. Then of me. I...couldn't take it. No matter what suffering I go through, He has suffered more. My God, my tourniqet...
I wanted to crawl into His wounds and hide. To be near somebody who could comprehend...who could understand. Somebody who I could love and not get hurt...not die... I longed to fall asleep to the soft lullaby of a beating heart.
Funny, though. I can relate to Jesus again...
...
There was one old wound...that never really healed at all. Just covered in bandages. An empty gash, for it already ran out of blood. I reached deep inside the cold depths of my mind. I kept a part of myself just for the memory of...him. I never wanted to come here ever again. But still...it was filled with Pain.
A dark void. Nothing but darkness, and a small patch of earth, pulsating with a faint red warmth glowing from beneath. A girl was there, all alone. Her long ebony locks softly cascading over her oval face and slender shoulders. Her tattered ivory dress loosely clinging on to her coffee-colored skin. She was lying down with her ear pressed against the earth, basking in its soft, warm pulse. Clutched in her hands were her dearest possessions: An open letter, a yellow button-down polo shirt, and a necklace with a pendant - that had a swirling crimson and azure glow. She closes her dreamy eyes, and smiles to herself. She is lost. Forever lost in her memories...her precious memories... She would rather be locked here forever in the deepest depths of my mind, whispering...constantly whispering:
"I'll never forget you..."
...
Even In Death
by Evanescence
Give me a reason to believe that you're gone
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong
Moonlight on the soft brown earth
It leads me to where you lay
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home
[CHORUS:]
I will stay forever here with you
My love
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on
Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me
[Chorus]
And I can't love you, anymore than I do