Tuesday, March 30
Mar. 30 Tues.
"Sugar mommy mo ako ngayon!" -me
I went to Big R with my friend Anne today. Since we were both bored to death at home, we figured we could invite our barkada to go to a mall. But as it turned out, we were the only ones who showed up, haha.
Anne: "Cel...tayo lang atang dalawa ang makakapunta!"
Me: "Ok lang yon, Anne. Basta sabihin mo sakin when and where."
Anne: "Uh...Big R from 11am to 5pm. Pwede na yon?"
Me: "Yep! It's a date, then!"
Anne: "Celine...nawi-wirdohan nanaman ako sayo..."
Since my bro was in charge of my wardrobe this summer, he made me wear...something. It was blue. That's all I can give you, coz the details will send you pounding the ground with laughter or scuttling away in fear and disgust. I was in 'girl' mode today! Sorta... Anyway, I turned out to be a really bad 'date'. Shit. Told you I was worthless. I showed up an HOUR AND A HALF late coz my bro was arranging his party, and traffic was heavy. She had to go around the mall and shop, until her money almost ran out! So, in feeble attempt to make up for my being such a JERK, I paid for everything else. The movie, lunch, snacks, internet cafe. She was stunned, haha.
Me: (to the ticket lady) "Two tickets for 50 1st dates, please. Thank you."
Anne: (pulls out her wallet)
Me: "ANO KA BA?! Wag na! Akong magbabayad nito, its the least I can do for making you wait."
Anne: (keeps her wallet) "Sabagay. Oo nga, noh, dapat lang! Hahaha!"
Me: "O, bati na tayo?"
Anne: (clutches my arm) "Oo naman! Hahahahahaha!"
Us: (walks away with the tickets)
Ticket Lady: "Miss! Sukli nyo ho!"
Anne: (laughs her head off)
Me: (slaps my hand to my forehead) "Ah, shit!"
Me: "O, san mo gustong kumain?"
Anne: "Ah...kahit saan..."
Me: "Sige, na! My treat!"
Anne: "Talaga? Iba ka talaga, Celine! You're so generous! Rich kid kasi, eh!"
Me: (raises eyebrow) "Anong rich kid? Paranoid lang talaga yung dad ko!"
Me: "Uy, gusto mong mag internet cafe?"
Anne: "Ah...wala na ata akong money, eh..."
Me: "Don't worry, akong bahala sayo!"
Anne: "Seryoso?! Ano ba yan, Celine...lahat na ata binayaran mo na! Nahihiya na 'ko sayo..."
Me: "Ano ka ba?! Walang hiya-hiya sakin! Sugar mommy mo ako ngayon, hahaha!"
Anne: (laughs her head off)
As we were walking through the mall, we encountered a lot of familiar faces. Caria, Domeng, Pam, and Quennie. Much to the joy of Anne, and much to my panic.
Them: (sees us) "OY! SI CELINE AT SI ANNE! KAMUSTA?"
Anne: "Oy, musta?! Aba...ok ang mga get-up natin, ah! Hahaha!"
Them: "Oo nga, eh, hahaha!" (looks at me) "Putragis, Estrada..."
Me: (covers myself with my arms) "Its...Its an illussion! Wala kayong nakikita! Argh, nandidiri nanaman ako sa sarili ko..."
Them: "GAGA! Ano ka ba?!"
Quennie: "Hoy, iha, alam mo bang maraming taong PAPATAY para lang sa katawang ganyan?!"
Them: "Oo nga!"
Anne: "Si Celine kasi, ayaw aminin!"
Me: (pause) "Hoy...hwag nyo to ipagkakalat, ha?"
Catagelophobia and Inferiority complex at work. Well, growing up in an environment where its normal to get killed with insults everyday kinda does that to a person. Anyway, as we were walking around, I noticed that a lot of people were looking at us. Glancing. Staring. Pointing in our direction. Even following us. Funny, my overprotective side surfaced. I hate it when guys - especially strangers - try to check out or get close to my friends. I know for a fact that all my friends are attractive, and guys tend to inch closer. But I just walk alongside my friends, ditch the 'girl' mode, and growl at any guy that comes within a 5-foot radius of my berks. Usually, they don't get that near, coz they just take one look at me - a really tall, really scary looking...thing... who looks like she could sprout fangs, cast a curse, or impale you with a crucifix...and they inch away ever so slowly. It's a fact. No guy will ever get close to my friends when I'm with them. Hehe. Pays to be tall.
But the tables took an unexpected turn. Shocking new fact. For me. I was not prepared for anything like this.
Anne&Me: (walking through the mall)
Guys: (looking, staring, following us)
Me: (growls)
Anne: "Celine, anong problema?"
Me: (through gritted teeth) "Andami kasing mga y-chromosome creatures na naka-titig sayo kanina pa. Nako..." (growls) "Dukutin ko yung mga mata nila, eh! Pag may gagong lumapit sayo, pupugutan ko ng u-"
Anne: "Sira! What makes you think na ako ang tinititigan nila?"
Me: (pause) "Hah? Sino pa ba? Alangan naman ako, diba?"
Anne: "Pakinggan mo ang mga binubulong nila."
Me: (listens while walking)
Guys: (mutters to each other as we pass by) "Pare, ayun o...yung matangkad, yung naka-blue..."
Anne: "O, diba?"
Me: (muffled screams of every curse in tagalog, english, chabacano, spanish, and bisaya)
*twitching* I...am...NEVER entering 'girl' mode in public ever...again.
*twitching stops*
*eyes widen*
Oh no...my promise with...kuya! A whole summer...a WHOLE summer...
*only one sound escapes*
"AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!"