Sunday, March 28
Mar. 28 Sun.
"Maganda ako! I release positive energy! Everybody loves me! O, Celine, repeat!" -kuya
I couldn't sleep last night. I was in 'empty' mode. There was no more sadness and loneliness, so I didn't have reason to feel sleepy. But around 4am, I kinda closed my eyes for a second, then was woken up at 4:30 by our maid. I was shaken, really, just so I could open my eyes. The thing was...I had a dream. It was embedded so deep in my mind, but I couldn't seem to remember what it was.
Being in 'empty' mode was a lot of fun, really. I felt so...free. Hollow, yes, but light. Every emotion and or situation that I would encounter, it would simply pass through me, and never sink in. I found it easier to smile and laugh, even pout (O, Sam! nag-pout na ako!). I was able to express what I felt at the moment and not care about anything else. Everybody - as in EVERYBODY - found it weird, coz nobody has ever seen me so...carefree. So impulsive. And expressive. Just to give a thought, here are some of the things I did today, that I would have NEVER done in any mode other than 'empty':
>I sang to my dad.
>I complimented my dad's outfit and made a couple of jokes about it.
>I made my dad laugh.
>I was singing and head-banging to the track of Evanescence, even though my dad and bro were right beside me.
>I made the "MWAH!" sound when I kissed my dad on the cheek as he left for work.
>I let my brother pick out my outfit for the day...dainty black shoes, black pants, and a frilly pink top. Take note: PINK TOP. PINK. Not matte rose, PINK.
>I WORE the oufit that my brother picked out.
>I attended mass in that oufit, without wearing shades.
>I went with my brother to the grocery store in that outfit, without wearing shades. (everyone who I passed by turned their heads and gave second and third glances)
>I smiled at everyone who stared at me. (which, for some reason, made their jaws drop...)
>I laughed my head off at the jokes of my brother in the car. I didn't even stifle a giggle or chuckle, I just laughed it up.
>I 'dirty' danced both alone and with my brother to the sounds of "Milkshake", "Superstar", "Let's get retarded", and "Red blooded woman".
>I carved lines from my poem "Be Happy" on my cabinet door with a utility knife, for all the world to see.
>I viewed my blog entries and didn't feel a thing.
>I agreed to have Issa shop new clothes for me.
>I let my bro put me in Friendster. (my picture was Giselle Bundchen's - a supermodel, and my occupation was 'Student/Beautyqueen/Supermodel/Goddess')
Fun, huh? Well...being empty has it's drawbacks too, you know. I could hardly feel a thing:
>I was absent-mindedly scratching my hand, then I realized that blood was trickling from it, because the scratching had opened an old wound. I had been bleeding for some time, and I didn't notice the pain at all.
>I accidentally whacked my knee against the door, and I didn't feel anything. I just noticed the bruise a while later.
>I was absent-mindedly staring at the sky. I didn't notice I was staring directly at the sun and was going blind, until my vision went...weird.
This day with kuya was particularly - and rarely - fun. We laughed our heads off with his jokes in the car, along with our driver and friend - Kuya Ricky. My bro cracked joke after joke and sang jingle after jingle about the incoming elections and the politicians. He also imitated characters from "Marina", and imitated his teacher's EXTREMELY WEIRD and EXTREMELY FUNNY attitude. We couldn't breathe even after we stepped off the car and into the house. Kuya caught me talking to myself, though. It ended up with kuya forcing me to repeat his chants of self-motivation to rid me of my negative energy. I've never stuttered so much before. I was so sure lightning would strike any moment.
Kuya: (singing, complete with actions) "J-J-J-Jamby, J-J-J-Jamby, Madrigal! Hindi iba sa 'tiiin! J-J-J-Jamby, J-J-J-Jamby, Madrigal! Chaaaange the wooorld!"
Us: (laughing our heads off)
Kuya: (in a voice very much like Miriam Defensor's) "We will WIN and REFORM this country!"
Me: (laughs my head off)
Kuya: "Pucha, kuya Ricky, nakakaasar yung...ano nga uli pangalan non?"
K.Ricky: "Sino? Si...Si Dugong?"
Kuya: (laughs his head off) "OO! YUN NGA!" (imitates Dugong)
Kuya: "Oy, Celine, alam mo ba kung pano magturo ung college prof namin?"
Me: "Hindi, pano? Terror ba?"
Kuya: "Ganto." (high-pitched croaky voice) "Mga bata...Mga baaataaa? Tayo na at magdasal. Sa ngalan ng Ama...mga bata, sundan ninyo ako. Sa ngalan ng Ama, ng Anak, at ng Ispirito Santo, Amen."
Us: (snickers)
Kuya: "Ganto pa nga ung kamay nya, eh." (raises hands and fingers as if holding an imaginary basketball) (croaky, creepy voice) "At ang sagot ay...yes, mr. estrada?" (pauses, lowers hands and head)
Us: (waits)
Kuya: (suddenly raises head and hands once more) "Oo, oo, oo! Tama nga, mr. Estrada. Oo, oo, oo...OO! Oo, oo, oo..."
Us: "Panay 'oo' naman yang prof mo!" (laugh our heads off)
Kuya: "Celine, you should be more confident! Don't lower yourself!"
Me: "Eh, kasi..."
Kuya: "Walang kasi-kasi! Dapat ganito ka: 'Maganda ako! I release positive energy! Everybody loves me!'"
Me: "Er..."
Kuya: "O, repeat. With a lot of passion! Say it!"
Me: (eyes widen) "HAH?! A-ayoko...Kuya, ok na ako, I-"
Kuya: "Sige na!"
Me: (faint, stuttering, croaky voice) "M-ma-maganda a-ako" (wince) "...I release po-positive e-energy..."
Kuya: (slaps hand to his forehead) "Susmaryosep, Celine! Ano ba yan!"
Me: "Eh...baka kidlatan kasi ako, eh..."
I had chest pains at around 8pm. I didn't know who it was, but it was deep. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was Beija. A close friend of ours leaves for vacation - hasn't even been gone for more than a day, and we already miss her like hell. We could just imagine what she feels.
No, wait...we don't have to, haha!
Coz...Walang iwanan sa ere! WE FEEL YOU, BEIJA! And if you happen to see three dark flying creatures weaving in and out of the sky through your window...
Aswangs at your service! Hahahahahaha!