Thursday, March 25
Mar. 25 Thurs.
"Basta masaya sha...masaya na rin ako, hahahaha!" -me
It's 12midnight. I can't sleep. I don't know why. And so I typed. I can't tell you who she is. I promised. Don't worry, I'll be alright. REALLY. Just know that...madrama lang talaga ako. You be the judge.
*Be Happy*
She hardly knows herself.
She was suffering a lot before...
Just like me.
Hiding from the world before...
Just like me.
Drowning silently in her own blood and tears before...
Just like me.
I wanted so badly to save her.
To be an angel for her.
To find her.
And so I tried.
I woke up everyday,
Just so I could try to save her again.
I faced the pain of life,
Just so I could try to save her again.
I almost did.
But she...
Was already saved.
By another savior.
Another angel.
Better than me,
Kinder than me,
More comfortable than me,
More suitable than me,
More...
Loving than me.
And you know what?
She was much happier.
I had to let her go.
I had to let her angel fly her away,
While I stayed behind
Drowning, still drowning,
In the deep sea of my emptiness.
She deserved to be happy.
I did all that I could,
Just to make her happy.
Just to make her stay happy.
Just to stop her from looking back
Just to stop her from coming back -
To rescue me.
I denied to death.
I laughed to death.
But deep inside,
I cried to death.
I bled to death.
And I died.
I don't want her to suffer
In any way at all.
I'd rather pretend to be alright
Suffer the torture of life
Than cause pain to her.
She's too good for that.
Too beautiful.
Too kind.
Too loving.
Too...
Precious.
Especially for me.
I don't want her to blame herself
For the pain that I go through.
I don't want her to feel bad
For the pain that I caused.
And so I watched her
Get pulled out from the dark,
And get taken by the hand,
And flown to the heavens
By this beautiful angel
Who loved her so very much.
Countless times,
She would look back,
Back to where I was.
Still concerned for me,
Still trying to save me.
And countless times,
I would look up,
Shove Pain and Misery out of the way
And smile at her,
Wave to her,
Reassure her that I was alright.
I thought:
I would rather suffer here,
And watch you get saved,
Than to have you stay with me
And drown in this pointless misery -
When you could be up in the heavens
With your angel so kind and loving.
And so she flew.
I was so happy for her.
You were meant to be saved.
You were meant to be loved.
Both of you.
And as for me?
I'm still here,
Drowning in my tears and blood,
Living this life of torture,
Watching everyone I love
Get saved and flown away,
Watching you,
Praying for you,
And whispering,
Constantly whispering...
I love you.
Be happy.