Friday, March 19
Mar. 19 Fri.
"God listens...as if He has anything better to do..."
-me
Friday. The last Friday of this schoolyear. Three last tests, one last day, one last time. As I was answering through the Statistics test, my mind was happily frolicking about. Memories from the schoolyear flashed in my mind. Good ones, bad ones, and ones that will...stay with me for the rest of my life. The only problem was, every time I would remember something funny about the year, I would pause, stare straight ahead, then involuntarily smile or laugh...which made my seatmates inch away from me ever so slowly. I especially laughed at the memories about the fair and dance night. I kept on replaying the way my friends and I danced - no matter how ridiculous we looked - and the way guys kept on trying to get close to my friends, and I would growl at them, and they would inch away ever so slowly. Hehe. *I'm really gonna miss this year...*
After the tests, I dressed up for Mikee's party. I waited with the Trios, Cheska, Camille, and Jenny for Mikee's dad to fetch us. Inside the car, we had to sardine ourselves just to fit. Jenny sat on my lap, and pretty much crushed the lifeforce outta my system. I think she had it worse, though...I mean, she WAS sitting on a pile of bones. Getting out of the car was hard. I felt like a squished accordion. I couldn't breathe and my stomach (if possible) got more flattened.
But hey, I was coughing up blood! Cool!
The place was awesome! An antique resthouse garden...thingy. Anyway, the pad was cool, and the weather was just right. Windy. Overcast. Nice. Although...I kinda noticed a not-so-wholesome theme going on in the place...oh, well, at least we got to find ways on how to make it funny. Hahaha! They all forced me into eating more than one serving...torture, man. They were happily assimilating food and getting seconds and thirds, while I was poking the scattered corn and carrots on my plate. They all made it a point to keep an eye on me and make me eat no matter what. Hehe. It was fun, really. I kinda regret not bringing my swimsuit and swim around with the rest of them. But then I figured, I'd DIE if they all saw me in my suit. And besides, sitting all alone on the balcony and contemplating my "life" while watching them all have fun behind my shades was kinda...ok. Halfway through contemplating, though, ate Sop showed up and hung around with me. We just watched them wackoes do flips, kicks, dives, and stunts and laughing all the while. Although, I kept on shouting and screaming when they tried to do really dangerous stunts. *Man, don't make my nightmares come to life! I ain't gonna lose my reasons!* I kept on sitting, standing, and teetering dangerously on the balcony ledges and roof tiles. *I wanted to fly.* For once...just for a fleeting second...to be free of this pointless suffering that just won't end. And every time, every SINGLE time I was really gonna jump, something would happen. Something unexpected, something almost...extraordinarily ordinary.
A 'careful, hija, you might fall!' from Mikee's mom, a tight grip around the wrist from Ate Sop, a sudden hug from Ate Lalaine, a holler of 'I LOVE YOU, CELINE!' from Mikee, a high-five from Quennie, a 'kumain ka, Celine!' from Cheska, a missed call from Beija, and a 'Growee, give me your shades' from practically...everybody.
*Man...this pulling-Celine-from-the-edge thing is beginning to be a full time job for everyone!* I kept on wearing my shades, but they kept on taking them away! Mikee even went as far as to say...something...about my shades that made me never want to wear them again. Hehe. I still did, though, after we left and said our goodbyes. I only wish I had met Ate Sop and Ate Lalaine way before. But hey, I'm thankful that I even met them in the first place. Along with Mikee, Beija, and my other reasons, I'm very thankful. *God IS merciful...even to the Cursed Child.*
I pleaded to the gorgeously feiry crimson sunset:
*Just...Please...Let them be happy. Don't let them get hurt. If they are to get hurt or killed because of me, ako na lang, Lord. Ako na lang.*
me: (sitting all alone on the balcony) (looks up to the sky) "Take me now, God... Now that they're all happy, and I'm all alone...Please..." (closes eyes behind shades)
*wind blows*
*sun hides behind clouds*
*sparrows circle overhead*
*dried leaves slice through the air*
me: (hugs knees) "Give me a sign, God...what I'm supposed to do...I'll listen..."
*cell phone alarms*
reminder: "5pm. Die. Just do it."
me: (smiles) "Well, that's direct...Well...here goes..." (gets up) (walks towards the ledge) (spreads arms wide open)
*wind blows through my hair*
me: (closes eyes) (smiles)
then...
*tenenenenenen, tenenenen-tenen, tenenenenenenen, ten!*
-phone rings
me: (raises eyebrow) (looks at phone in right hand) "what the..."
phone: "1 missed call. Beija R."
...
me: *lives on*
*You're wrong, beija. Im not the saint, you are.*
Icequeen out.