Tuesday, February 17
Feb. 17 Tuesday
Silence also has his drawbacks.
Tuesday. My least favorite day of the week. As dragging as a Monday, as long as a Thursday, but with no point whatsoever. It's like a long sliver of wood splintered into the week. Even if it was halfday today, I still found it kinda' dull. Sure, it was pretty windy, but it was sickeningly sunny. Urgh.
The periods today were crammed into each other, and with no apparent proper schedule. Recess lasted approximately five minutes, and Lunch never came. At least some of the teachers were mixed up too, which left us with lots of time for idle work and play....wait...that sounded kinda' weird in a way...Anyway, my exceptional height pretty much played a huge part in decorating our classroom for the asianfest. I had to clip these Korean lanterns onto the flourescents and had to tape our stained glasses to the upper windows. Man, this is child labor, straight up. YM was ok, but a dull aura was surrounding everyone. Haaaay. Well, at least its almost our Biotrip - this Thursday and Friday! Although, I'm not that psyched up at all...I'd rather spend my time walking along the shoreline at night, look up at the stars, and think.
I didn't feel like studying for algebra...it occurred to me that splitting my head open studying for a bunch of mind-numbing crap just didn't appeal to me. But...for the sake of my dad...sure, I did. Formula this, slope-intercept that..snore. I'd rather study for Biology. Our group topic for Health is kinda' interesting, though: Psychologically-caused head, stomach, and chest pains. Hmmm. Nice. Maybe I can understand this 'thing' a little more.
After giving me this really rare Cadbury's peppermint chocolate bar, my dad left for his late-night bible seminar again...happens every Tuesday. Which means, more time for me to be alone in the house...so I just listened to good ol' Amy Lee. Aahh...Tourniquet rocks. *My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation...will I be denied Christ, tourniquet, my suicide?* Somehow, all the songs in this album seems to reflect certain experiences in my life. I'd never get bored with these songs, man.
...
I'm sinking into depression again...I don't know why...nothing's wrong with me...there's nothing to be sad about...I guess it's a warning...I'm getting too close to someone again...history is repeating itself...
I hate this. It's too quiet. Silence may come in handy sometimes, but not all the time. I'm starting to remember certain things I thought I already forgot. I'll never be rid of these memories...they killed me...still killing me...and they're not even real...just made up...created in my deranged fantasies...Love is merely an illusion to fool the gullible. Then why does it hurt so much? For so long? Real or not, I'll probably never know. I know only one thing...and that is the pain left in me.
Hahaha. Think I'm crazy? Pathetic? Shallow? Hahaha. I'll tell you the story of my life...and in about five minutes, you'll burst out of the room, crying your eyes out, and appreciating every single thing in your life. Hahahahaha. Well, what do you know...this suffering for nothing crap can help people see the light...I guess I may have a purpose in this seemingly God-forsaken twisted existence after all...
Icequeen out.