Saturday, February 7
FEB. 8 SUNDAY
I'll tell you one thing about Pain...He's cute.
I woke up this morning with an excruciatingly dull pain in my chest. This wasn't your everyday pneumonia-caused pain...this was...ADVANCED PAIN. I didn't even bother to wake up my dad who was sleeping soundly beside me, because I knew exactly what was causing this.
To put it simply, its because I loved too much again.
Damn. When am I gonna stop doing this? When will I take pity on myself for once? When will I stop caring so much for people? Why can't I just...forget? Argh! It hurts so much, God!
I tried tossing and turning in the bed, but it only made it worse as it seemed to make it throb and reach my back. I didn't even realize that I was about to tear my blanket into shreds because I was gripping it so tightly. I had to bite on my lower lip to stop myself from crying out loud as I sat up. Utter torture at 6 am. Another typical morning for the IceQueen.
But you know what? I could have really enjoyed this. I 'kinda like Pain. Sweet, stinging, agonizing, tantalizing Pain...But this time, I hated it.
Have you ever seen Pain? His scarlet hair tousled like a gust of liquid flame, clashing against his marble-pale skin...His deep-set light brown eyes glowing like embers in his skull, complimenting his crimson-and-gold robes that seemed to be on fire...Have you ever felt Pain? His long fingernails caressing you, searing your bare skin like a red-hot blade...How about his kiss? Few have tasted his kisses and stayed sane enough to tell how it felt like...Heh. Couple of dweebs. Pain has never left me since I was nine. The constant torture kinda' made me think that he liked me...and judging from the frequency in line with the unbearable factor...I'd say he REALLY liked me. Pain's kiss feels like a dull and rusty knife being pressed against your skin. It seems as though your very bones were on fire and your nerves numbed. But when Pain kisses you - and you kiss him back...well, that's a different story. His burning lips makes your whole body feel as though you were dropped in a pot of boiling oil. Then, after a few moments, his mouth will start to get colder and his hands like icecubes against your skin. He will hold you tighter in his frozen embrace and slowly suck the breath from your lungs. The moment you realize what's happening, you will try to pull away, but too late. Pain has transformed into Death. You will fall in love with strangely dark and demented creature and, as if under a spell, you will leave all earthly concerns behind and gladly let him take you to the netherwold. But, Death's descriptions are reserved for another entry. Tee hee.
Dammit, why do I have to be so friggin' sensitive?! I pick up emotions everywhere I go! I just look at a person from afar, get a little closer, touch the person's hand, and voila - instant tidal wave of emotions in a single touch. How stupid is that?! I can't help but feel so...so...so sorry for the person! And you know me - I care too much to let it pass. I instantly think up theories on why the person would feel that way, what the person was going through, etc. etc. Most especially for those who hide their pain and sufferings behind smiles and witty jokes coz...they're just like me! Only, they're kinda much better at the hiding behind smiles thing.
I especially felt really bad for someone - and bad as in I mean REALLY heartwrenching bad. The thing is, I don't know who that person is! I've narrowed it down to a girl, coz duh, I wouldn't come within five feet radius of a guy (for the guy's sake). And...she must be someone who I come in contact with on an almost regular basis. And the real bad part is...that she's suffering almost like I am! And I know for a fact that if anybody would suffer even a fraction of what I go through...well...the only words for the feeling is...HELL ON EARTH. Which compels me to help her!!! I'll tell you this, though - she's good at hiding it. She feels as if no one will ever comprehend her situation - thus she suffers silently. She's begging for help - anyone or anything. She's probably lost faith in God, too. (wow, talk about analysis). So what's this gotta do with me? Well, she's begging so much that I think I'm picking it up! The sensation is...well, hard to describe...sorta like your lungs filling up with rotten chunks of porridge, your heart being corkscrewed, and a ton of bricks being pressed slowly against your ribs. Yeah, that's a pretty good description of it. It may be one of my friends, though...Nica, perhaps...or Anne...no, Giselle, maybe. I don't know. The only thing is, the girl's muffled cries are resonating in my chest!
Oh, well. This is God's plan for me. To always feel what others feel. I may never find out who this girl is, but I hope that if I don't...someone will. Her friends, maybe? A family member? Or Jesus?
Well, if she's going through what I'm going through...I only have three things to tell her: 1) Girl, you need a hug. Get one. It's free. Just go near a warm-blooded human, encircle your arms around the person, and squeeze. Not so tight. You'll find that a hug is all you ever really needed in this seemingly God-forsaken twisted existence you call 'a life'. 2) It's OK to cry. Stop trying to act all tough-guy with it. Believe me, I've been there. Just close your eyes, purse your lips, curl up into a ball and just cry. Even just a little. If you're alone, don't overdo it. You'll end up feeling like you're missing a huge chunk from your chest. If you're going to let it all out, do it in the arms of someone who cares. That person will replace the bad aura you got rid of with good aura. I'm not a psychic. 3) Pray. Talk to the big JC and surrender everything to Him. Lost your faith? Can't seem to find Him? That's because you're like a kid noisily groping around in a haystack trying to find a small watch, lamenting all the while. Just be still, put your ear to the ground, and listen. Follow the ticking. There is a purpose for everything. You suffer for a reason which is not yet revealed to you. But you can be sure - if it's God's plan for you to suffer - it's a damn good reason. BE HAPPY!
Now, I gotta post this already, coz I have a script to complete!
Icequeen out.